Learn to Forgive or Stay Stuck. Your Choice!

So much anger, bitterness and unforgiveness out there.  No wonder so many people struggle in their relationships.  They are constantly trying to make everyone else pay for past hurts.

I believe I have the gift of encouragement. Hard earned, by the way. I've been betrayed, gutted like a fish emotionally and left for dead, spat upon literally and figuratively, abandoned, used, wasted, lonely, broke and damn near homeless because of combinations of my own mistakes and those who sought to hurt me. You think I can't relate when I say "Forgive" and don't know what I'm talking about? Please.

I think part of my demeanor suggests to people that I haven't been through much - and certainly not what you've been through. False. But I still say "Forgive" because that's where the power is. That's where restoration begins to happen. You don't forgive. You stay stuck. Simple.

But how, you ask?  How can you forgive?  How can you trust?

Here are some thoughts...

• Understand that you have committed sins more heinous towards God than those that have been committed against you and He has chosen to forgive you anyway. 
• Understand that you have often hurt people as much (or more) than those who have hurt you. You don't consider it as such, but they do. You've chosen to justify your actions and vilify theirs. 
• Place a value on what you believe was done to you. If you "price" it out, you will find that it is usually not as costly as you think. Did they destroy your life? No. You're still here. 
• Understand that the person who hurt you can't restore you anyway. Release them from the debt. Releasing them releases you. 
• Stop holding one person's sin against everybody else. That's as unrighteous as me hating others because they resemble you. 

Is it a process? Maybe. I don't tend to think so. I tend to think it's a decision. Eventually you will have to either decide to forgive or decide to continue to hold the sins against that person. Ultimately it is your choice to be free or remain captive.

You have to remember that you have an enemy who works overtime to remind you of your past, as well. He will send messages and messengers about your past to try and stagnate you. Sometimes you have to understand that it's just an echo, compartmentalize it as such and remind yourself that you've moved on from that place. It is unreasonable to think memories won't ever come back. In time, the hurt will fade, too.

Blessings.  I'm standing with you!

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful.

All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways: Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
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For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html

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"How to Become a Woman Worth Finding" Coaching Call

Did you miss my last "Be Worth Finding" Coaching Call? They are always fun and educational and even inspirational!! (Here's a link to the Event Page in case you want to join in some of the conversation!)

I had two special guests on this call! Two amazing guests! Betty-Anne Marie White and the Queen B, Belinda Oliver, joined me! The hour was all about healing and preparing for those of you who want meaningful relationships! Be sure to join their pages at Woman, Reveal Yourself and Belinda E. Oliver, too, to learn more about them!  We talked about

• How to know when you're healed... 
• What are real red flags versus what are negotiable issues... 
• Why masturbation could be a problem... 
• How to be on purpose instead of desperate in your desire to have a relationship... 
• and much more!

Download the link to listen to the broadcast below.  You can support Belinda by purchasing her books from Amazon.com here and here! And contact Betty-Anne directly if you want to have her in for a conference or workshop.


One more thing...

Because this is the most common question I get by far! "Mark, what is a good woman? What does she look like? How does she act? How can I become a woman worth finding?" I knew the best way to answer this question for you was to put together a complete teaching on it, so that's what I've done! I will show you what men of God are looking for and look at it all through the best lens of all - the Word of God!

I am releasing this in conjunction with the next HUGE "Be Worth Finding" Conference Call and I wanted to give you a chance to pre-order now at a special offer price of just $4!!! The regular price is $10 but all of my friends and supporters here can get ahead of the crowds and take advantage of this price. I am only doing this for a short time for sure!

Read more here!

Take advantage of the special offer here!


Here's the LINK to download the rebroadcast!

What did you think of the broadcast?  Add your comments below!  What other topics do you want to hear about?




____________________________________________________________
Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY.  Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful.

All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways:

Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com 
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html

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If I could change just one thing about you, I'd change your..

If I could change one thing in the world right now when it comes to relationships, it would be this wave of cynicism that has overtaken people. My thought is the cynicism I see expressed throughout this world these days is not serving people well at all.

It's making things worse.

Any statement that begins with "All", "Many" or "Most" is probably wrong before even the next word is typed.  But think about how often TODAY you will read or hear someone say "(All) women don't...." or "Most men..."  Frankly, I think we need to give people more credit than that.  Substitute the word "some" in their place and you might be closer to the truth.  Maybe.

More importantly, these words you speak aren't ministering grace to the hearers and is destroying fruit. A lot of what you think has to be said, doesn't. Not at all. Even worse, you're hurting more than you're helping. 

"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear." ~ Ephesians 4:29

Death and life are still in the power of the tongue. If you want to have healthy relationships, you have to speak healthy relationships over yourself and over those around you. Complaining, categorizing and generally making a commotion doesn't help. Not at all.  Your words shape your life.

What do you think?  Add your comments below!
____________________________________________________________
Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY.  Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful.

All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways:
Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com 
Phone: 281-846-5720
Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray
Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/

For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html

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How to Be a Woman Worth Finding Pre-Order!!!

I am releasing this in conjunction with my next HUGE "Be Worth Finding" Conference Call and I wanted to give you a chance to pre-order now at a special offer price of just $4!!!  The regular price is $10 but all of my friends and supporters here can get ahead of the crowds and take advantage of this price.  I am only doing this for a short time for sure!

(By the way, you can learn more about this awesome LIVE conference call by CLICKING THIS LINK and then REGISTERING HERE for instructions for joining the broadcast!)

This is the most common question I get by far!  "Mark, what is a good woman?  What does she look like?  How does she act?  How can I become a woman worth finding?"  I knew the best way to answer this question for you was to put together a complete teaching on it, so that's what I've done!  I will show you what men of God are looking for and look at it all through the best lens of all - the Word of God!

Be warned!  This program will challenge you!  Don't listen to it unless you want to change!  Don't listen unless you want to be more blessed in your relationships!  I want you to pre-order NOW via PayPal.  It only takes a moment.  I am asking you to do this because I want you help getting the word out to the world as soon as we complete our upcoming broadcast.  Here's the link again:

Now, I have to say that if you haven't purchased your copy of my other audio teaching, "10 Things to Consider About a Man" you really need to get that, too!  It will bless you and help you learn what a real man of God looks like, acts like and talks like!  Check this LINK!

Be sure to subscribe, share and leave your comments below!

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But Is Pornography Adultery?

I'm going to have to say no. Pornography is the sin of sexual temptation run wild and you, man, have to guard your eyes and heart before it leads you places you don't want to go...potentially costing you everything you truly value. And I mean EVERYTHING! Check out the graphic on my other post! Pornography addictions are costly. Too costly. If you see yourself going down that path, steer away now!

But my question isn't whether pornography is lust or whether it's sin. The question is whether it's adultery.  Should a woman feel justified in divorcing a man who is involved in pornography?  It is bad. Very bad. Not good. I am not saying pornography is okay.  However, I know a woman who left her husband because she caught him watching porn. He admitted to never having slept with another woman and she believed him but she said "It's the same thing!!!" and proceeded to kill her marriage.  Hearing that made me cringe and sad at the same time.

You might argue that he killed it by going to that website. I say she committed the greater sin.  I didn't say pornography wasn't a sin. But is lusting after a woman the same as wrecking one or more households because you two slept together? NO! This is an example of the logic of "I thought about it so I might as well do it." in action. Don't fall into that trap.

I'm not calling pornography good. It is bad for sure. However, it is very different than laying down with another person. That is MUCH HARDER for a couple to recover from! In the scenario above, the husband repented, asked for forgiveness and offered to get counseling. She filed for divorce.

Most bible teachers say sexual intercourse outside of marriage is proper grounds for divorce. Is watching pornography acceptable grounds for divorce? Before you say "yes" to this question and call it adultery, I ask you (even women) to be honest about how many times you've looked at another person with lust, but got convicted, repented and never acted on it. If you say you WOULD file for divorce over adultery but MIGHT NOT over pornography, you are saying they are NOT the same.

All I'm really saying is you have to allow for some grace. I think women penalize their husbands too much not realizing or understanding that

• Consuming pornography is normally just a symptom of a bigger problem and an opportunity to talk and redevelop some intimacy and...
• Men are much more visually stimulated than you think by a factor of 30X and he has not seen it as the kind of betrayal YOU see it as and...
• You are not extending the same grace you want extended to you in other areas of your walk. 

Pornography addiction is a major problem, but it is recoverable. And it's not the same as adultery in deed any more than a woman's failure to submit to her husband is automatically grounds for divorce. If you need help with sexual temptation, please contact: http://newlife.com/emb/

Be sure to subscribe, share and leave your comments below!

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Yet Another Way Pornography Destroys.

I am hearing from a lot of men who are feeling absolutely inadequate and like it is impossible to please a woman. I think this is a real opportunity for ministry! But I can't do it alone.  If you are involved with a man, you (as a woman after God's heart) have a real opportunity to minister to the man to whom God has assigned you! That's all I'll say. Sowing and reaping. Sowing and reaping. Sowing and reaping. I really don't know what else to say. I know that you will be blessed if you become a blessing.

Often, when I write this way, the instinct is for several people to reply "Well, what about me and my needs?!" I hear you loud and clear. But you can only be responsible for your own actions. A part of having faith in God is having faith in your relationships to. Even when I post on He Who Finds A Wife, I never let guys respond with "WHAT ABOUT HER???" You have to be responsible for your own obedience to the Lord's commands first and foremost.

The real problem, I think, is pornography. Men see that material and begin to compare themselves to the 2% of men who are enormous size-wise. Those images never leave our minds.  I think this is an area where women can truly minister to their husbands. I mean TRULY minister. It is needed. I talked to several WISE women I know. All talked about skill, technique and foreplay as being the most important things. A few talked about the need to feel "dominated" in regards to a man being sexually aggressive. In other words, it isn't about size.  But I know some great men who are deathly afraid to marry because they think they can't or won't measure up.  They are terrified that their faith, financially stability and love won't matter to a woman.

Here is what one wrote to me. She is a woman who runs two counseling centers for women:

"Mark, Considering a lot of misinformation out there, I want to share both my educational and personal understanding:

1. The “G” spot is only about three inches in, thus if taught correctly, a woman could orgasm unlimited amount of times, literally with something the size of a middle finger.
2. A woman’s vagina is between 3-4 inches deep. 
3. Exceptional large men cannot insert their entire penis…this can easily be seen in even porn. 

Now, as a woman who works with women. Over and over again we find that the thrust is not the key in sexual satisfaction. Being a person who is a seeker of knowledge, I am sure you know a lot about the need to stimulate the variety of erogenous zones in a woman. What you may not know is that “surrender” plays such a key role in a woman’s sexual satisfaction, and the sits squarely on her need of feeling secure. Many women, and men seek all kinds of intensity of sexual play in hopes of getting that high, but the high doesn’t originate in the size, shape, or position as much as it does in the mind. 

And I hear this over and over again with women. They want to blame everything else, but look at their own inner wounds. So, to recap, whether women admit it, or even know it, size does not matter. Technique and relationship is the biggest key in sexual ecstasy."

I got about 30 similar responses from women of various ages and backgrounds. They all said virtually the same thing. Now, maybe you should be more vocal about sharing this with the man you love!?

Also, guys, just leave pornography alone.  It isn't worth it.  Why involve yourself in something that is going to destroy intimacy, productivity and personal peace on top of being sinful?  If you need help, check out Every Man's Battle for some great resources!

Thank you for your honesty and patience! Be sure to subscribe, share and leave your comments below!

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To Move or Not to Move for Love?

A overheard a man pose a question to a forum recently: "Would any of you ever consider relocating to give a relationship a chance? Or would you want that love interest to move where you are?" It was asked to an audience of mostly women so I was intrigued to hear the responses because the topic really hits home with me.

Almost on cue, a young lady responded "I am EXTREMELY close to my family. If I am not within driving distance, it's a problem. I most certainly would not move."

After a little bit of passionate back-and-forth from people are arguing the pros and cons and after having watched so many of my friends marry, stay married and some divorce, I have to go with the whole "leave and cleave" model as the most ideal approach even if it comes to a new couple establishing themselves in a new city.

My thinking is straight-forward.  A little distance can be the best thing to help keep the "family of origin" out of the relationship because the husband and wife are the nucleus of the new family now. Prioritizing the family of origin is a marriage killer. Blood should NOT be priority over the marriage unless you're planning on that being a short marriage. It is wise to consider where you have roots because it makes holidays and family emergencies (and finding babysitters!) easier to manage, but I also understand that people used to travel across entire continents to start new lives.

Mainly, I see people trying to hang on to the old while grasping something new and it doesn't work. Leave and cleave is in the Word and it still works. But what about your support systems? You develop new support systems. (Proverbs 27:10 talks about this.) It's hard work, but in the end, you'll be better for it. 

I think a MAJOR problem is people want the new without letting go of the old. I've met wonderful women who will say "I'm never leaving Atlanta no matter what!" or "I must be able to eat dinner with my daddy every Sunday!" and even men who allow their mothers to tell them what to do in their own homes (notice the scripture talks about the man being the one who does the leaving). People have to get this. You have to leave the old behind for the new to thrive!

This is personal to me because I've lived it by proxy. My folks are going on forty-three years and I know a major part of it was because of leaving and cleaving. Not long after getting married (a few months?) my mom was on a plane to Germany at 19 years old to go meet her husband at his new post in Fulda, West Germany. Those things force each other together. You NEED each other for a while and that's a good thing! People these days try to set up lives where they don't NEED each other and wonder why relationships don't work. You are supposed to need each other. This whole "You only need GAWWWD!" stuff is brand new in the world and mostly only taught by manipulative preacher pimps anyway. To this day, if you ask even cousins about what's going on in their house, they will only know the very little they are told. My parents understood how to keep others' opinions out.

Side Note: NO MOVING WITHOUT A PROPOSAL, LADIES!!! I can understand that you might not be married and you want to get an apartment and begin setting up a life in a new city, but NO MOVING UNTIL YOU HAVE A RING ON YOUR FINGER AND NO SHACKING AT ALL!

Being willing to move is just a small part of it. It's mainly about being willing to build something separately together. The more you hold back, the more will be held back. The more you give her, the more you will receive.

Be sure to subscribe, share and leave your comments below!

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Would You Pay This Woman to Hold You?

Don't feel badly for her if you say no. Apparently, she's not lacking in customers.

Paying people to snuggle with you? If you ask me, it's both funny and sad at the same time. The entrepreneur in me knows it is a good business opportunity, too!

I totally believe in the "science" of touch and often hug, ask people to hug and/or hold hands when we pray at church. All of that! I even remarked this morning as I taught Bible Study that I do it because that brief touch will be the only time some people are touched by another human all week.

Bottom line: We go through a lot of effort and spend a lot of money to try to replicate some of these benefits of marriage and relationships without any risk. I know I could use a hug right now.  Maybe I should do something about that, huh?  I've got some cash around here somewhere, I think.  The Snuggery will let me choose another snuggle buddy if I want.  Even both at the same time!

One day, God is going to create someone to help me with this problem.  Oh wait...

Finally... I always appreciate your support! Consider purchasing "10 Things to Consider About a Man" to learn more about what a good man really looks like! ---> Purchase here <---

One more thing... please share this blog with your friends if it has been a blessing to you and use the box to the right of this page to subscribe.  I want to stay in touch with you!  Thank you and God bless!

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Do We Want Too Much?

If I were more brave, this is the blog I would write so I will just imagine that I'm as brave as that and keep typing...

 Here's the thing. I feel like it is absolutely 100% inevitable that I will either sooner or later disappoint either my girlfriend or (if so blessed one day) my wife. A part of me feels like we're dealing with a generation of people who can't be happy. I think many men agree with me whether they will admit it or not.  It seems like the shine of new relationships wear off so fast and then everyone if off looking for the next new thing.

That is quite sobering.  You see, I realize that the #1 reason for divorce (women do the filing anywhere from 66% to 90% of the time depending on who you believe) is plain old dissatisfaction.  It becomes terrifying.  Things like infidelity and physical violence are never listed as top reasons among scientific studies.  The most common reasons given by women usually come down to either dissatisfaction or the feeling that she simply outgrew him.

So this is a post to pose a question: Do we want too much?  Can we be satisfied by partners who are real humans and, therefore, far less than perfect?  Even if you're faithful and peaceful, it seems like only a matter of time before you will come up very short.

What do we do?  Can we increase satisfaction somehow or do we just have to do better and wish for the best?  Talk to me!

Finally... I always appreciate your support! Consider purchasing "10 Things to Consider About a Man" to learn more about what a good man really looks like! ---> Purchase here <---

One more thing... please share this blog with your friends if it has been a blessing to you and use the box to the right of this page to subscribe.  I want to stay in touch with you!  Thank you and God bless!

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"Paul was NOT Sexist" AKA "The Romans 16 Woman"

Everyone talks about the Proverbs 31 woman, but what about the Romans 16 woman? It's time for her to get her due, too! (The Proverbs 31 Man is rarely mentioned, but that's another story for another blog!) 

Romans 16 is Paul's final farewell and instruction to Believers. Romans is his great work, as it were. It is Paul's magnum opus. Nearing the end of his life and ministry, he uses this letter to give final words to watch out for false doctrine and teachings. His aim was to give a master outline of the faith once and for all.

With his mission accomplished, how does he end his work? He closes by expressing his overflowing gratitude and affection for those who have labored tirelessly in the work of ministry. Names among those who have Paul's heart are a large number of women: Phoebe, Priscilla, Mary, Junia, Tryphena and Tryphosa, Persis, Rufus’ mother and Paul’s mother, Julia and the sister of a man named Nereus.

Read this chapter for yourself and be encouraged. The Romans 16 woman is the woman ever abounding in the work of God's kingdom. Paul promises them that they will be ultimately victorious in Christ. The Romans 16 woman is a great role model for women working in ministry everywhere - both in their homes and in the world. Amen!

Finally... I always appreciate your support! Consider purchasing "10 Things to Consider About a Man" to learn more about what a good man really looks like! ---> Purchase here <---

One more thing... please share this blog with your friends if it has been a blessing to you and use the box to the right of this page to subscribe.  I want to stay in touch with you!  Thank you and God bless!

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