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"10 Things to Consider About a Man...

What if someone finally told you everything you needed to know, understand and look out for before deciding whether you should get a man any of your heart and time? What if men had a guide for self-improvement to know when he's finally "relationship ready"? Well...guess what? "10 Things o Consider About a Man..." is here for you!!!

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31 Days to Healthier Relationships

At the very core of our being, men and women are DIFFERENT! This is not a bad thing but it requires knowledge and understanding to bridge the gap between the two genders. And through this bridge we can become most effective as individuals and as couples. Check out our 31 Days to Healthier Relationships Series here!

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An Epidemic of Singleness?


Websters Dictionary defines an epidemic as something "affecting or tending to affect a disproportionately large number of individuals within a population, community, or region at the same time" especially of a negative connotation. That's us. These days, a very large number of people within "our" community fail to remain married and an increasing number fail to even try.

I believe "singleness" may have become an epidemic. It's a malady.  Lots of words to say it's a very bad thing and I am not sure any society or sub-culture within a society can sustain it.  Though not necessarily looking at it in a faith-based context, others are writing about this, as well, in talking about teenagers who have never seen a wedding!

I believe singleness could be robbing the body of Christ of its witness, its power and its cohesion. To a degree, it may be robbing us of our overall understanding of our faith. After all, Paul goes great lengths to help us understand the relationship of Jesus to His Church by using marriage as an analogy. Old Testament prophets did the same. In a day where fewer and fewer people even attempt marriage, could we be losing our ability to grasp and communicate our faith?

Is this a problem? Or a symptom of a deeper problem? What can be done about it?  The current "wisdom" relating to marriage is wait...wait...wait...take your time...wait...wait...wait...and....wait.  We date FOREVER...stay engaged FOREVER and then, finally, stay married half as long as many of the previous generations did.

I think it's time to give the current wisdom the boot and start looking for partners again!  Somebody point me towards people encouraging marriage...PLEASE???!!!

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him." 



Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful.

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""Things Bitter Women Say" for $500", Alex!?"


1. "He took advantage of me!"  Really?  Are you serious?  If you're older than 30, you knew what you were doing.  Spare me.  Okay.  30 is too old.  Maybe the "age of dating accountability" happens much earlier but at some point you became a willing participant in your relationship drama.  Like I always say, "when in doubt, just stay upright and fully-clothed."  This is victim talk and it's unacceptable in a mature, healthy woman.  Additionally, in sticking to that story, you're calling yourself stupid.  As a female friend reminded me, if you're were wearing your nice panties, you didn't "fall" at all!  You knew where the road you were on was headed!

2. "He was a waste of my time!"  He was a waste of your time, huh?  Well, maybe you were a waste of his money?  I hate, hate, hate hearing this.  I believe everybody is getting SOMETHING out of every relationship they maintain.  Maybe you're getting the satisfaction of believing someone cares about you?  Maybe you're getting low-cost meals and movies?  Maybe you're just happy to been seen with SOMEBODY at the church social?  Either way, you got something if you were hanging around!  Best to maybe use it as a time to learn about yourself, about men and about what to look for in the future?  Man, I'm getting tired.


3. "I love him but I don't respect him!"  If a man has to choose your love or respect, he would rather have your respect.  Believe that!  I'm not saying your "love" is worthless, but it's worth less than respect and admiration.  This is a problem for a lot of my sisters.  They say men shouldn't need respect.  "Why doesn't he just respect himself?"  "What does it matter what I think?"  "Is his ego really that fragile?"  Admiration is a NEED for a man and most will gravitate towards whoever is giving it.  Women are always shocked at how a man chooses an "other" woman who isn't as beautiful as his wife.  It's because it wasn't about looks.  She was doing something else for him/his ego!

4. "I don't believe in dating."  So I'm supposed to walk up to you and declare my intentions on courting you towards marriage...and I don't even know if you know how to eat with your mouth closed?  I'm supposed to commit to ONLY TALKING TO YOU and I ain't even met your crazy momma yet?  Seriously?  What in the H is wrong with you that you can't go to Olive Garden with a dude without it becoming a major commitment that you gotta pray over?  It ain't that serious!  Oh.  I forgot.  You don't want to waste your time on me.  Okay.


5. "I won't settle."  YOU won't settle?  LOL  YOU won't settle?  How haughty can you get?  I am betting you'll either be single for a looooooooooong time or you'll change that stance.  You might not be the prize you think you are.  Sure.  You're great.  But your breath is bad in the mornings (and some afternoons), you've got a nasty attitude sometimes and you probably weigh more than he wants you to weigh but he's scurrrrred to tell you.  But you're not settling, huh?  He might be settling!  He wanted Kerry Washington...but...

Think about it.  If any of these are you, go ahead and start chunking rocks at me now because I use these phrases to decide who NOT to talk to.

You Are Worth More Than Your Weight In Gold!



This is a tough one.  Not planned in this order and not scripted.  Maybe short.  Maybe long.  Let's find out together.

Value.

What are you worth?  You are worth more than your weight in gold!

My guess is that a number of people don't value themselves nearly highly enough and put up with people who share the same low opinions of them.  I don't know how else to say it.  I'm seeing people allow themselves to be degraded, called ridiculous names, mistrusted, lied to, lied on and even physically-abused.  I'm hearing of women who won't allow their children to see their fathers and men who won't listen to their wives over their mothers.

We aren't valuing ourselves properly.  We aren't valuing others either.

If I could encourage anything today it's this: Value yourself.  Respect yourself.  Honor your own boundaries.  You may not be able to control what others do or how they act (directly) but they will respect you more when they see you respecting yourself more.

Woman, you don't deserve to be treated like a piece of property.  You should be cherished.  Protected.  Men, you AREN'T sorry, no good or pathetic.  You are a good man!  You are a real man!  You can do great things!  Her careless and hurtful words may have stung so bad you thought you'd never recover, but you can!

Set a standard for valuing yourself so you'll be proud today of the person you see in the mirror!

The "Love" Bank


"Is fighting good for a relationship?" 

Someone asked the question.  It's a good question.  Maybe even a great one.  I have known couples who like the adrenaline of a good shouting match so much that they look forward to it - along with the makeup sex.

Some disagreement is inevitable, but the analogy I've learned from a good marriage counselor is called "The Love Bank" and we have to make sure we're adding more to the bank than we're taking out.  Otherwise, after a while, the bank is empty and the relationship is BROKE!  Every fight takes money out of the bank!  Every criticism takes money out of the bank!  It's said it takes ELEVEN compliments to undo the harm done by one criticism!

Simple concept then: every time we interact with someone...work, school, church, relationship, parenting...we're either adding equity to the relationship or we're taking it away.  A lot of times we will stand and look at a person and not even understand how we got where we are.  We allowed the bank to get low or empty.

So here's the challenge...can we all start to appreciate and compliment the people in our lives more?  Can we perform some unexpected kindness?  Can we hold that hug an extra second or two?  Of course we can!  The more we do, the "richer" our relationships will become!  Get it?  Banks?  Richer?

Be blessed!

His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage



A number of people have asked me about the book I referenced a few days ago, "His Needs, Her Needs" so here's a PSA.  You can click below and order it right from here!  After you read it, tell me what you think about it!

From "His Needs, Her Needs" by Dr. Willard Harley...

"The Top 5 Things a Woman Needs in a Husband"

#1 AFFECTION:

"Physical affection symbolizes security, protection, comfort, and approval."

Affection is important in its own right and it has nothing to do with sex. Affection says "I Love You" without "I Lust For You." Hugs, kisses, hand-holding, touches, gifts, back rubs, affectionate words, etc. all fall under the category of affection. Harley says that the "typical male" sees affection as foreplay to sexual encounters and is normally aroused by affectionate physical gestures. A man who growls, 'I'm not the affectionate type' while reaching for his wife's body to satisfy his desires for sex, is missing a chance to meet one of her deepest needs.

#2 CONVERSATION:

We usually put our best foot forward before the marriage and are trying to get acquainted with each other as well as letting the other person know how much we like them. In order to do both, we are usually engaged in a lot of conversation. Long talks at night.
Long conversations on the telephone. Walks where we tell each other about ourselves.

After the wedding, we know about each other and the conversations we used to enjoy seem to be very limited or come to an end altogether. Harley says that men do not seem to need conversation, but women seem to enjoy conversation for its own sake. The most
satisfying conversation is one that focuses on getting to know each other, showing an interest in each other, and discussing topics of interest to both. It is important that she feel a genuine interest and caring for her.

Harley says that the average woman needs 15 hours of quality conversation a week.

#3 HONESTY AND OPENNESS:

"A sense of security is the bright golden thread woven through all of a woman's five basic needs…To feel secure, a wife must trust her husband to give her accurate information about his past, the present, and the future."

#4 FINANCIAL SUPPORT:

"Humorous anecdotes abound on women who marry men for their money, but my counseling experience has taught me not to treat this tendency as a joke. In truth, a woman does marry at man for his money -- at least she wants him to earn enough money to support her as well as (or better than) her father did when she was growing up."

#5 COMMITMENT TO FAMILY:

"A woman has a powerful instinct to create a strong family unit. They want their husbands to take a leadership role in the family and to be a
good father. This means having "good family time" and playing an active role in raising the children."



"The Top 5 Things a Man Needs in a Wife"

#1 SEXUAL FULFILLMENT:

‎" The typical wife doesn’t understand her husband's need for sex any more than the typical husband understands his wife's need for affection. This need in men is so strong that it must be satisfied -- in or out of the marriage. When a man binds himself in marriage, he makes the assumption that his wife will be available to him sexually. If that is not the case, it it sets the stage for an affair -- which will be destructive to the marriage."

#2 RECREATIONAL COMPANIONSHIP:

The need to have fun with his partner is the second need Harley identifies for men. As already stated, we often put our best foot forward in the courtship and this is another area where there may be disappointment after the "I do". "Why don't you do this with me anymore?" is a common lament. Harley cautions wives that having fun together doing the things that you both like is essential to the marriage. "Men place surprising importance on having their wives as recreational companions."

#3 AN ATTRACTIVE SPOUSE:

‎"A man with a need for an attractive spouse feels good whenever he looks at his attractive wife. In fact, that is what emotional needs are all about. When one of his emotional needs is met he feels fulfilled, and when it's not met, he feels frustrated. It may sound immature or superficial, but I've found that most men have a need for an attractive wife. They do not appreciate a woman for her inner qualities alone. They appreciate the way she looks."

#4 DOMESTIC SUPPORT:

He needs peace and quiet. There may be a cultural change/demand that says that men need to take more responsibility in the home for domestic chores, but most men are not embracing this change. The male has a deep need for his wife to "take care of things" -- especially take care of him.

#5 ADMIRATION/RESPECT:

HE NEEDS HER TO BE PROUD OF HIM
Why do males have this need? Admiration energizes and motivates a man and he often expects his wife to be his most ardent fan. He needs to be appreciated for what he IS, not for what he COULD BECOME. While criticism causes men to become defensive, his wife's encouragement enables him to become more confident and enables him to achieve far more.

You can order your copy of this great resource here!