6 Things You Didn't Know About Marriage

I stumbled upon a cool little video recently.  It's from Jenna McCarthy.  Not Jenny McCarthy.  Yeah.  I had to get that one straight myself!  Jenna McCarthy is the author of "If It Was Easy They'd Call the Whole Damn Thing a Honeymoon: Living With and Loving the TV-Addicted, Sex-Obsessed, Not-So-Handy Man You Married" which gets points for a great title even if it isn't a great book.  (I haven't read it yet so...

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The Incredible Praise-to-Criticism Ratio

One quality I have always observed in people is how they use their tongues. Do you promote healing? Does you build up? Or do you criticize, condemn and destroy? (Yes. Sarcasm fits into the destructive category, I'm afraid.) "There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, But the tongue of the wise brings healing." - Proverbs 12:18 It is said that it takes several compliments to undo the damage of one criticism. Harvard says effective...

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Going the Extra Mile In Your Relationships

Overcompensate. "Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two." - Matthew 5:41 Krystle S. Talley of The Christian Chameleon would say this means to go the extra mile to compromise, love, and give grace to your significant other. I think that is a great take on it.  The Bible might also call this bearing one another's burdens. When it comes to dating as divorced people, one thing we have to be aware of is that the other person (especially...

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"I ain't never gonna change."

"I can't change." "I'm never gonna change." "Take me the way I am." Was listening to some songs on the radio with my daughters yesterday. These are the anthems we're allowing to play in our ears!?!? Guess what? Most people don't want to hear it but successful relationships OF ALL KINDS require constant change. Expecting people to accept all of you exactly the way you are is selfish and prideful.  I'll grant you this.  You should not...

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Introducing the Live BIG Die Empty: Relationship Readiness Group

Join Mark Anthony McCray of Live BIG Die Empty as we journey along the path to "Relationship Readiness: Preparing to Have Happy, Healthy & Whole Relationships" with a particular focus on how to prepare yourself for love and healthy relationships! In our time together we work through various facets of preparing for meaningful relationships and marriage beginning with setting Godly relationship goals and much more.  Additionally, we...

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3 Things He's Looking for from Her

Once a man is attracted to you, I believe he begins to filter every conversation, observation and interaction with you through three key questions: Does she NEED me?  Can I make her happy?  Could I trust her with EVERYTHING I am?  Some say men don't commit these days but that's obviously not true. Men and women still get married.  Good men and women get married. Some marry and some don't and I believe I've figured out...

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What Can You Give? What Can You Add?

If you can't think of ten ways you aren't making your partner happy, you're missing it and you're selfish.  Period!   Short blog today.  I love and respect all of my readers here so this just a Public Service Announcement.  A reminder, if you will.  I've got no complaints today.  I'd simply like to encourage you not to look at a relationship for only how you can be made happy, but how you can contribute to a happy...

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How to Stop Being So Needy

Last time we talked about having needs vs. being needy and it sparked some good dialogue. Remember: neediness is when a person requires more than usually expected or due. In other words, their needs are being met on a reasonable level, but they still want more. If you're the kind who has been called needy more than once, let's face it. There might be some truth there. If everybody calls you a donkey, buy a saddle, right?  Some of you...

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Should Divorced Exes Get Back Together?

I'm posting this for a friend.  She asked me why divorced exes seldom, if ever, get back together.  Research shows the number to be somewhere around 4% to 6% of couples remarrying one another.  In my friend's mind, the kids would be better off and that makes it not only okay but necessary.  Aside from those couples who divorce and marry each other two or three times, why doesn't it happen more? I'm not sure why it doesn't...

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Having Needs vs. Being Needy. What's the Difference?

Can you tell the difference between a person expressing legitimate needs vs. being needy?  Everyone has needs and you can't deny that.  But when does it cross over into unhealthy territory? First, let us define the two terms: needs are physiological or psychological requirements for the well-being of an organism. Food, water, belonging are all examples. Neediness is when a person requires more than usually expected or due. In other...

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How Romance Is Killing Marriage

I came across an interesting article talking about how romantic comedies are hurting relationships and I thought "WOW! Somebody gets it!" Somebody gets it!  Romance isn't portrayed the way it was in the old days where you saw someone meet... ...stay involved in one another's lives over a span of time... ...marry and begin building a family... Nowadays, what we call romance is more fixated on the "comedy" of two people simply trying...

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Why is dating so hard?

Well. This is a trick question. For me, it really isn't. However, I know a lot of people (men and women) who say they NEVER date. This is completely beyond me. Women are saying (claiming?) they aren't asked out and men are saying (claiming?) they are not asking. I really don't get it. This is a mystery to me. A friend of mine, Betty-Anne Marie White of Woman, Reveal Yourself, offered some thoughts as to why is so... Here are her thoughts...

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Why This Abstinence Thing Is Starting to Bug Me.

I am about to make an open confession to which many of you will immediately think "That doesn't sound like Mark...or maybe it does? I'm confused." I am not a huge fan of Christians celebrating years of abstinence. I don't have a magic calculation for this, but I think after a certain amount of time (years? decades?) maybe you're testifying to something negative instead of something positive - you have trouble sustaining healthy relationships...

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Talk So He'll Hear You

My friend, Belinda Oliver, said "Sis, men communicate differently than we do. Do you know how to effectively communicate with that man? Can he be comfortable in YOUR presence? Can he TRUST you or do you have an AGENDA?" and it got me to thinking. I had written "8 Keys to Talking to Men" before but felt like I could write a quick update.  Some women still feel like they aren't being heard.  I came bearing gifts... of wisdom.  Here...

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Pride & Singleness

A lot of you are not single because you can't find anyone, but because you're too proud. You meet people, you date and you stay together for a while until... until... until they give you some feedback you don't like. That's when you decide they aren't for you. You two just aren't a match. Being in a long-term relationship with anyone requires you to change - a lot - but the conventional wisdom these days is everybody should just take you...

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Admit it. You still believe in fairy tales.

Do you know why fairy tales are called fairy tales?  They are called fairy tales because they almost all involve fairies (duh!) or some other kind of magical being.  In each one of them, this magical creature sees the woeful plight of the hero or heroine and swoops in to wave a wand, cast a spell or brew a potion that saves the day.  In a flash of light, all is well and everyone lives happily ever after. Most people live like they...

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Learn to Forgive or Stay Stuck. Your Choice!

So much anger, bitterness and unforgiveness out there.  No wonder so many people struggle in their relationships.  They are constantly trying to make everyone else pay for past hurts. I believe I have the gift of encouragement. Hard earned, by the way. I've been betrayed, gutted like a fish emotionally and left for dead, spat upon literally and figuratively, abandoned, used, wasted, lonely, broke and damn near homeless because of combinations...

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