Day 20: "Oneness"

By Melissa Rich

God will challenge you more than any human being ever will.

Why do I say this? Because He is the only One who knows what you are really made of. He is the One who put that capacity in you. He is the One who designed you.

What does this have to do with relationships? EVERYTHING!

I have come to realize that when God asks you to do something, He also meets you there and adds to what you have to offer. He never asks for what you do not have, but He asks for all that you do and then He fills in all the gaps. Growing in the ability to listen to that still small voice is one of the greatest keys to better relationships because He will act as a personal coach…if only you will listen and heed His voice.

Every principle has a promise. God’s truths are packaged in love and yet, He is a God of justice.

For the past few days, I have really been pondering the whole concept of giving and receiving. I have been pondering the mindsets that people have about relationships in general, including but not limited to marriage. I have been pondering the reasons why people hold back instead of giving freely all that they have to offer. And I have been pondering the love of God and how it all comes together. I was reminded how we are one body but many members and how the two shall become one. With that thought, I posed the question on BWF this morning:

If the Bible says "the two shall become one", why is it that so many married people continue to try and be "two"?

If we truly believed that we were hurting “ourselves” when we acted in a particular way towards another, we would likely not act that way. If we could really catch the true concept of being “one body” and when married…“just one”, we might respond differently. Loving your neighbor as “yourself” takes on a new meaning entirely.

So this is where I landed in my thoughts as it relates particularly to marriage and the things God is showing “me” about preparing myself for marriage. The thing is, what He requires of me in every area of my life is more than what is being challenged outwardly. God doesn’t require just compliance, although there are times for just compliance; He knows that agreement yields better fruit. Agreement, oneness, unity.

Jesus set the example of how to serve one another, how much more in marriage if you have made the decision to “covenant” with that person? One does not need to be married to understand that this principle applies also to the marriage relationship, maybe even more so than it does with less significant relationships.

Think with me here for a moment about the idea of “oneness” and the importance of understanding what “unity” really is and how that changes everything about the way we approach one another. We are no longer interacting with a separate being we are interacting with a “limb” from our own body. And when married, everything we do impacts the “whole” of who the “two” are as one. Let me say again, when married, being that we are now “one flesh”, everything we do impacts the whole of who the two are as one. This means that whether building or tearing one another down, you are impacting your own self equally. When one part hurts, the whole hurts.

I knew this was what I was going to post on today and then I just happened to stumble upon a post response from one of our partners Jerry Kelley this afternoon. He was talking about the word “tzela”. What he said was that you are not just a rib, you are a side or sidewall, the whole side of Adam, not just a single bone. The term implies an equality with the whole, or another equally important bearing wall on the opposite side. Then he said, “Of course man can live without one or two ribs, but not without half of his body…The Creator did not intend that the man would be however independent from his “rib” but that he would be incomplete without her and she without him…”

This alone gives an entirely different perspective on what it means to be “one” for both sides. But my point being in all of this, we need to really remember how much it harms “us” when we withhold what God has placed in us. When we withhold something that He has given freely to us and especially when we withhold that from our spouse (when that time comes).

What I have learned while writing for this page is that God is setting a standard of conduct. He is preparing hearts. Mine being first and I am just sharing what He shows me openly; the standard He has shown me and how we, simply put, can enjoy the fruits that God intended in our relationships if we would only learn how to love God, love ourselves and then as an extension of “that” love relationship, we are well able to love another. And the amazing thing about extending ourselves to another is that it is the principle of sowing and reaping. If our heart remains open, it doesn’t matter what that person does, we still gain something more from giving because whether or not they give back, we are still a part of that which we either gave to or withheld from.

Romans 12:5 So in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.