How to Be a Woman Worth Finding Pre-Order!!!

I am releasing this in conjunction with my next HUGE "Be Worth Finding" Conference Call and I wanted to give you a chance to pre-order now at a special offer price of just $4!!!  The regular price is $10 but all of my friends and supporters here can get ahead of the crowds and take advantage of this price.  I am only doing this for a short time for sure!

(By the way, you can learn more about this awesome LIVE conference call by CLICKING THIS LINK and then REGISTERING HERE for instructions for joining the broadcast!)

This is the most common question I get by far!  "Mark, what is a good woman?  What does she look like?  How does she act?  How can I become a woman worth finding?"  I knew the best way to answer this question for you was to put together a complete teaching on it, so that's what I've done!  I will show you what men of God are looking for and look at it all through the best lens of all - the Word of God!

Be warned!  This program will challenge you!  Don't listen to it unless you want to change!  Don't listen unless you want to be more blessed in your relationships!  I want you to pre-order NOW via PayPal.  It only takes a moment.  I am asking you to do this because I want you help getting the word out to the world as soon as we complete our upcoming broadcast.  Here's the link again:

Now, I have to say that if you haven't purchased your copy of my other audio teaching, "10 Things to Consider About a Man" you really need to get that, too!  It will bless you and help you learn what a real man of God looks like, acts like and talks like!  Check this LINK!

Be sure to subscribe, share and leave your comments below!

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But Is Pornography Adultery?

I'm going to have to say no. Pornography is the sin of sexual temptation run wild and you, man, have to guard your eyes and heart before it leads you places you don't want to go...potentially costing you everything you truly value. And I mean EVERYTHING! Check out the graphic on my other post! Pornography addictions are costly. Too costly. If you see yourself going down that path, steer away now!

But my question isn't whether pornography is lust or whether it's sin. The question is whether it's adultery.  Should a woman feel justified in divorcing a man who is involved in pornography?  It is bad. Very bad. Not good. I am not saying pornography is okay.  However, I know a woman who left her husband because she caught him watching porn. He admitted to never having slept with another woman and she believed him but she said "It's the same thing!!!" and proceeded to kill her marriage.  Hearing that made me cringe and sad at the same time.

You might argue that he killed it by going to that website. I say she committed the greater sin.  I didn't say pornography wasn't a sin. But is lusting after a woman the same as wrecking one or more households because you two slept together? NO! This is an example of the logic of "I thought about it so I might as well do it." in action. Don't fall into that trap.

I'm not calling pornography good. It is bad for sure. However, it is very different than laying down with another person. That is MUCH HARDER for a couple to recover from! In the scenario above, the husband repented, asked for forgiveness and offered to get counseling. She filed for divorce.

Most bible teachers say sexual intercourse outside of marriage is proper grounds for divorce. Is watching pornography acceptable grounds for divorce? Before you say "yes" to this question and call it adultery, I ask you (even women) to be honest about how many times you've looked at another person with lust, but got convicted, repented and never acted on it. If you say you WOULD file for divorce over adultery but MIGHT NOT over pornography, you are saying they are NOT the same.

All I'm really saying is you have to allow for some grace. I think women penalize their husbands too much not realizing or understanding that

• Consuming pornography is normally just a symptom of a bigger problem and an opportunity to talk and redevelop some intimacy and...
• Men are much more visually stimulated than you think by a factor of 30X and he has not seen it as the kind of betrayal YOU see it as and...
• You are not extending the same grace you want extended to you in other areas of your walk. 

Pornography addiction is a major problem, but it is recoverable. And it's not the same as adultery in deed any more than a woman's failure to submit to her husband is automatically grounds for divorce. If you need help with sexual temptation, please contact: http://newlife.com/emb/

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Yet Another Way Pornography Destroys.

I am hearing from a lot of men who are feeling absolutely inadequate and like it is impossible to please a woman. I think this is a real opportunity for ministry! But I can't do it alone.  If you are involved with a man, you (as a woman after God's heart) have a real opportunity to minister to the man to whom God has assigned you! That's all I'll say. Sowing and reaping. Sowing and reaping. Sowing and reaping. I really don't know what else to say. I know that you will be blessed if you become a blessing.

Often, when I write this way, the instinct is for several people to reply "Well, what about me and my needs?!" I hear you loud and clear. But you can only be responsible for your own actions. A part of having faith in God is having faith in your relationships to. Even when I post on He Who Finds A Wife, I never let guys respond with "WHAT ABOUT HER???" You have to be responsible for your own obedience to the Lord's commands first and foremost.

The real problem, I think, is pornography. Men see that material and begin to compare themselves to the 2% of men who are enormous size-wise. Those images never leave our minds.  I think this is an area where women can truly minister to their husbands. I mean TRULY minister. It is needed. I talked to several WISE women I know. All talked about skill, technique and foreplay as being the most important things. A few talked about the need to feel "dominated" in regards to a man being sexually aggressive. In other words, it isn't about size.  But I know some great men who are deathly afraid to marry because they think they can't or won't measure up.  They are terrified that their faith, financially stability and love won't matter to a woman.

Here is what one wrote to me. She is a woman who runs two counseling centers for women:

"Mark, Considering a lot of misinformation out there, I want to share both my educational and personal understanding:

1. The “G” spot is only about three inches in, thus if taught correctly, a woman could orgasm unlimited amount of times, literally with something the size of a middle finger.
2. A woman’s vagina is between 3-4 inches deep. 
3. Exceptional large men cannot insert their entire penis…this can easily be seen in even porn. 

Now, as a woman who works with women. Over and over again we find that the thrust is not the key in sexual satisfaction. Being a person who is a seeker of knowledge, I am sure you know a lot about the need to stimulate the variety of erogenous zones in a woman. What you may not know is that “surrender” plays such a key role in a woman’s sexual satisfaction, and the sits squarely on her need of feeling secure. Many women, and men seek all kinds of intensity of sexual play in hopes of getting that high, but the high doesn’t originate in the size, shape, or position as much as it does in the mind. 

And I hear this over and over again with women. They want to blame everything else, but look at their own inner wounds. So, to recap, whether women admit it, or even know it, size does not matter. Technique and relationship is the biggest key in sexual ecstasy."

I got about 30 similar responses from women of various ages and backgrounds. They all said virtually the same thing. Now, maybe you should be more vocal about sharing this with the man you love!?

Also, guys, just leave pornography alone.  It isn't worth it.  Why involve yourself in something that is going to destroy intimacy, productivity and personal peace on top of being sinful?  If you need help, check out Every Man's Battle for some great resources!

Thank you for your honesty and patience! Be sure to subscribe, share and leave your comments below!

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To Move or Not to Move for Love?

A overheard a man pose a question to a forum recently: "Would any of you ever consider relocating to give a relationship a chance? Or would you want that love interest to move where you are?" It was asked to an audience of mostly women so I was intrigued to hear the responses because the topic really hits home with me.

Almost on cue, a young lady responded "I am EXTREMELY close to my family. If I am not within driving distance, it's a problem. I most certainly would not move."

After a little bit of passionate back-and-forth from people are arguing the pros and cons and after having watched so many of my friends marry, stay married and some divorce, I have to go with the whole "leave and cleave" model as the most ideal approach even if it comes to a new couple establishing themselves in a new city.

My thinking is straight-forward.  A little distance can be the best thing to help keep the "family of origin" out of the relationship because the husband and wife are the nucleus of the new family now. Prioritizing the family of origin is a marriage killer. Blood should NOT be priority over the marriage unless you're planning on that being a short marriage. It is wise to consider where you have roots because it makes holidays and family emergencies (and finding babysitters!) easier to manage, but I also understand that people used to travel across entire continents to start new lives.

Mainly, I see people trying to hang on to the old while grasping something new and it doesn't work. Leave and cleave is in the Word and it still works. But what about your support systems? You develop new support systems. (Proverbs 27:10 talks about this.) It's hard work, but in the end, you'll be better for it. 

I think a MAJOR problem is people want the new without letting go of the old. I've met wonderful women who will say "I'm never leaving Atlanta no matter what!" or "I must be able to eat dinner with my daddy every Sunday!" and even men who allow their mothers to tell them what to do in their own homes (notice the scripture talks about the man being the one who does the leaving). People have to get this. You have to leave the old behind for the new to thrive!

This is personal to me because I've lived it by proxy. My folks are going on forty-three years and I know a major part of it was because of leaving and cleaving. Not long after getting married (a few months?) my mom was on a plane to Germany at 19 years old to go meet her husband at his new post in Fulda, West Germany. Those things force each other together. You NEED each other for a while and that's a good thing! People these days try to set up lives where they don't NEED each other and wonder why relationships don't work. You are supposed to need each other. This whole "You only need GAWWWD!" stuff is brand new in the world and mostly only taught by manipulative preacher pimps anyway. To this day, if you ask even cousins about what's going on in their house, they will only know the very little they are told. My parents understood how to keep others' opinions out.

Side Note: NO MOVING WITHOUT A PROPOSAL, LADIES!!! I can understand that you might not be married and you want to get an apartment and begin setting up a life in a new city, but NO MOVING UNTIL YOU HAVE A RING ON YOUR FINGER AND NO SHACKING AT ALL!

Being willing to move is just a small part of it. It's mainly about being willing to build something separately together. The more you hold back, the more will be held back. The more you give her, the more you will receive.

Be sure to subscribe, share and leave your comments below!

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Would You Pay This Woman to Hold You?

Don't feel badly for her if you say no. Apparently, she's not lacking in customers.

Paying people to snuggle with you? If you ask me, it's both funny and sad at the same time. The entrepreneur in me knows it is a good business opportunity, too!

I totally believe in the "science" of touch and often hug, ask people to hug and/or hold hands when we pray at church. All of that! I even remarked this morning as I taught Bible Study that I do it because that brief touch will be the only time some people are touched by another human all week.

Bottom line: We go through a lot of effort and spend a lot of money to try to replicate some of these benefits of marriage and relationships without any risk. I know I could use a hug right now.  Maybe I should do something about that, huh?  I've got some cash around here somewhere, I think.  The Snuggery will let me choose another snuggle buddy if I want.  Even both at the same time!

One day, God is going to create someone to help me with this problem.  Oh wait...

Finally... I always appreciate your support! Consider purchasing "10 Things to Consider About a Man" to learn more about what a good man really looks like! ---> Purchase here <---

One more thing... please share this blog with your friends if it has been a blessing to you and use the box to the right of this page to subscribe.  I want to stay in touch with you!  Thank you and God bless!

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Do We Want Too Much?

If I were more brave, this is the blog I would write so I will just imagine that I'm as brave as that and keep typing...

 Here's the thing. I feel like it is absolutely 100% inevitable that I will either sooner or later disappoint either my girlfriend or (if so blessed one day) my wife. A part of me feels like we're dealing with a generation of people who can't be happy. I think many men agree with me whether they will admit it or not.  It seems like the shine of new relationships wear off so fast and then everyone if off looking for the next new thing.

That is quite sobering.  You see, I realize that the #1 reason for divorce (women do the filing anywhere from 66% to 90% of the time depending on who you believe) is plain old dissatisfaction.  It becomes terrifying.  Things like infidelity and physical violence are never listed as top reasons among scientific studies.  The most common reasons given by women usually come down to either dissatisfaction or the feeling that she simply outgrew him.

So this is a post to pose a question: Do we want too much?  Can we be satisfied by partners who are real humans and, therefore, far less than perfect?  Even if you're faithful and peaceful, it seems like only a matter of time before you will come up very short.

What do we do?  Can we increase satisfaction somehow or do we just have to do better and wish for the best?  Talk to me!

Finally... I always appreciate your support! Consider purchasing "10 Things to Consider About a Man" to learn more about what a good man really looks like! ---> Purchase here <---

One more thing... please share this blog with your friends if it has been a blessing to you and use the box to the right of this page to subscribe.  I want to stay in touch with you!  Thank you and God bless!

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"Paul was NOT Sexist" AKA "The Romans 16 Woman"

Everyone talks about the Proverbs 31 woman, but what about the Romans 16 woman? It's time for her to get her due, too! (The Proverbs 31 Man is rarely mentioned, but that's another story for another blog!) 

Romans 16 is Paul's final farewell and instruction to Believers. Romans is his great work, as it were. It is Paul's magnum opus. Nearing the end of his life and ministry, he uses this letter to give final words to watch out for false doctrine and teachings. His aim was to give a master outline of the faith once and for all.

With his mission accomplished, how does he end his work? He closes by expressing his overflowing gratitude and affection for those who have labored tirelessly in the work of ministry. Names among those who have Paul's heart are a large number of women: Phoebe, Priscilla, Mary, Junia, Tryphena and Tryphosa, Persis, Rufus’ mother and Paul’s mother, Julia and the sister of a man named Nereus.

Read this chapter for yourself and be encouraged. The Romans 16 woman is the woman ever abounding in the work of God's kingdom. Paul promises them that they will be ultimately victorious in Christ. The Romans 16 woman is a great role model for women working in ministry everywhere - both in their homes and in the world. Amen!

Finally... I always appreciate your support! Consider purchasing "10 Things to Consider About a Man" to learn more about what a good man really looks like! ---> Purchase here <---

One more thing... please share this blog with your friends if it has been a blessing to you and use the box to the right of this page to subscribe.  I want to stay in touch with you!  Thank you and God bless!

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Wanted: Men Who Walk Their Talk

From my point of view, I see a lot of women (and men) satisfied when a man says he is "spiritual" when asked about his faith. To me, that's just code for "Stop asking me questions!!"  Unfortunately, a lot of women become mislead spiritually, relationally and otherwise.  I think there are 10 evidences that a man is walking his talk:

1 - "Spirituality" isn't good enough for him. He studies and knows doctrines, scriptures and some church history.

2 - He is consistent in his walk not always needing to "get back into it" every few weeks or months.

3 - He attends fellowships, churches and/or bible studies regularly. There is no magic number, place or format, but there should be somewhere he isn't a complete stranger!

4. He gives. Money, not just platitudes. Time, not just intentions. His talents, not just his opinions.

5. He reads the Bible. How do you know? Scripture enters his conversations at least time to time.

6. He prays. How can you tell? He doesn't complain about everything that bothers him because he's already laid some of them at the altar.

7. He praises. He doesn't take credit for everything good in his life. He's thankful and grateful knowing he is a recipient of amazing grace.

8. He sows into others' lives. There is someone whose life is better because he's in it regardless of what he can get from them. In fact, better if he can't receive anything from them at all.

9. He repents. He might not say he's sorry. That's not real repentance anyway. Real repentance is evidenced by changed behaviors. Not all. Not overnight. But SOMETHING for goodness sake!

10. He is willing to take responsibility for your spiritual maturity. Does he help lead you into the things of God or away from them?

Consider these. Also, consider purchasing "10 Things to Consider About a Man" to learn more about what a good man really looks like! ---> Purchase here <---

One more thing... please share this blog with your friends if it has been a blessing to you and use the box to the right of this page to subscribe.  I want to stay in touch with you!  Thank you and God bless!

To your success!

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!

He can be reached in the following ways:
Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
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For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html

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Seeking a Friend for the End of the World

If you are a single and had a chance to spend your last few days with any one person, whom would you choose?  Do they know it or is it your special little secret?

In "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World", Steve Carell (I would say his character's name but isn't he ALWAYS Steve Carell?) finds himself alone after his wife leaves in a panic. He decides to take a road trip to reunite with his high school sweetheart. Accompanying him is a young British woman whom I can't recall her name but whom I know was in a couple of those Pirates of the Caribbean movies.  She throws a wrench in his plans, of course, because all good movies need to have a wrench thrown into somebody's plans.

What they discover is the unspeakable value of having someone to share your battles with.  When you have someone like that, you have to hang onto them.  If (you're single and) have someone like that in your space, are you acting on it?  If you're married and don't open up and share what's really on your heart and mind, isn't that the same as being alone?  Are you waiting for time to run out before you do or say anything?

Stop waiting for a crisis to come around before you express yourself.  Good reminder from a pretty good movie.

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50 First Dates

I'll admit it.  I'm a sucker for this movie.  No question it gets to me every time. In it, Adam Sandler's character, Henry Roth, is a man afraid of commitment up until he meets the beautiful, forgetful Lucy (Drew Barrymore). They hit it off and Henry think he's finally found the girl of his dreams, until he discovers she has short-term memory loss and forgets him the very next day. It turns out, she forgets him everyday.

Think about how great it would be if our real lives could work more like this? Every day isn't a great day. Some are great. Some are horrible. But every morning she has no recollection of his sins, errors and omissions. Every morning he must work to win her affections. (The hidden message is interesting... the movie probably wouldn't work as well with the roles reversed.)

Many talk about relationship skills. I still say the #1 skill we all need is to learn how to forgive quickly, completely and often. It's the only thing we're all going to have to do every single day if we hope to have a happy and healthy relationship (and life).

That's the beautiful message of 50 First Dates. The best relationships carry very little of yesterday into today.

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Dealing with Temptation

Q: Dear Mark, I am finding the temptation to have an affair overwhelming. My husband had one years ago that destroyed me and I'm still trying to recover from that. Plus, to be honest, there's the attraction. He takes my breath away. What is your perspective? I'm just trying to understand what's going on. I need to hear from a man.
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A: Thank you for writing Be Worth Finding! Here are a few things for you to think about...

1. I can understand the longing for passion and excitement and need to feel loved. I can. However, I don't see the cost as being worth it to you. Whether it's fair or right or not, once discovered, the chances of your husband accepting it are slim. Divorce is very likely. Violence is possible. Depression is probable and it could take you years to pull your life back to just an even level emotionally. Studies show it takes women 3-4 years to recover. Men, too. For you, consider at this point that you've been married more than half your life. I think it could be devastating and much more than you think.

The financial costs are tremendous, as well. I just wouldn't advise it. There are tons of articles on it. I won't retread that topic. Just know that you will probably have about half of the resources available to you that you think you'll have...and you'll be raising your children essentially alone.

2. You have unmet needs. NEEDS. Not wants. I've blogged on the topic of His Needs/Her Needs before.

If there is any possible way, please sit down with your husband and talk about NEEDS. You need affection, communication, etc. Let him know that. Bring that book maybe. Also examine honestly whether you're meeting his needs. Remember... they are needs and they are legitimate. If you're looking around, that normally means they aren't being met. He probably had some that went unmet, too.

Here's a couple of tips from the trenches... (A) ask him for a time to talk. Literally set an appointment if you must. That way he won't feel backed into a corner. Honor it. Defer your thoughts until the time. It should only be a day or two. (B) Sit down to talk. Touch each other. Hold hands or something. This makes it easier for both to listen and lessens the likelihood of tensions escalating. Hopefully this can start some dialogue that is sorely missing.

3. Your recollection concerning my other post is right. I have little respect for men who choose to go this route of pursuing married women. I have contempt for them. He's done this before. He obviously senses your desire and wants to take advantage of it. What's worse is he's hindering the happiness you could be experiencing right now! He can't give you anything but a few (dangerous) moments or he'd at least leave his wife and make an attempt at being a steady presence in your life.

Similarly on your end. If you're going to leave, most states can finalize a divorce in 60 days or so. You can wait that long. I hope. But I really hope you and your husband make one more attempt. If you need to have a counselor present, it would help a lot, I'm sure.

What do you think? If any of this sounds insensitive, I don't mean to be that way at all. I just have seen too many lives get worse instead of better as a result of affairs. I would not want you to worsen your situation or happiness.

"Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." ~James 4:7

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"Diary of a Cheating Woman"

Watching "Diary of a Cheating Woman", a so-called documentary about the rise of women committing adultery. I have not been so embarrassed for us in a long time.  Kind of sad really.  I guess the premise is to laugh and joke about how it's okay to cheat if the guy isn't a good enough man for you - whether he was unfaithful or not.  Set aside the fact that paying back evil for evil is against everything the Word of God stands for.  Celebrating those who sin is the worst kind of sin.  I am forever ashamed for every person involved in this project.

"Don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it." ~1 Peter 3:9

"Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable." ~Romans 12:17

"See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people." ~1 Thessalonians 5:15

To be fair, it wasn't only about the women.  There were a number of men interviewed who said they were prompted to commit adultery because of their own trust issues and/or because they learned their wives or girlfriends were already cheating.

Why am I writing about this?  Research.  These kinds of things help me understand where people are and how they think.  Also, I know for a fact that a number of my readers are dealing with these kinds of issues daily and haven't understood what the Bible has to say about these matters of the heart.  If you are okay with any of this, you need to check your heart and repent.  You are broken.

I need to wash my eyes out now.  Or maybe my ears.

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What Do Men Look for in A Woman?

I am asked quite often "Mark, what do men look for in a woman?" and it happens often enough where I should respond. I'm always trying to be honest, so I have to give two sets of answers I think: a more general response and a more candid one that answers the question more personally (with all that other stuff about my bias out of the way). Here are what I call my Top 11!

#1 - I am generally attracted to a woman who has some smarts. She doesn't have to be a genius or a doctor and her smarts don't have to be in the form of formal education. Being able to carry a conversation in a number of areas is vital!

#2 - I am generally attracted to women who have good relationships with their fathers and brothers. I don't do well with bitter people. If you still have problems with the previous men in your life, you are not for me.

#3 - A Christian. She doesn't have to be bible-thumping or preaching. But she and I should both agree that the orthodox Bible is the standard for life. We won't always meet it's requirements, but we should at least know where the line is. The Apostles Creed is a good start.

#4 - Raw physical attraction. I like a woman who looks and acts like she likes sex...just reserves it for the special man. A virgin is not required, but some virtue is required. A woman who acts like an asexual doesn't work as somebody I see myself with.

#5 - Children. I have no problem with a woman who has a kid...even two. I don't see it a major issue. Some guys do. To each his own.

#6 - (I posted this entire list before and this one had to do with a woman's physical appearance. I'm choosing to delete it here. To each his own!)

#7 - I like a woman who can be supportive, but still can come with strong suggestions when it is needed. I don't want to be allowed to swim in my own bullshit forever. For a while, maybe, but not forever. I like a woman who can push me to be a better man without needing to break me down to do it. ENCOURAGEMENT is the key.

#8 - I like a woman to have good friends. Preferable with women who aren't bitter themselves. I can't necessarily control a woman's friends. I know that. A woman has to examine her friends on her own. The Bible says that bad company corrupts good morals and that we should not be deceived in this. Bottom line: who you surround yourselves with matters.

#9 - It is important to me that a woman has access to good mentors. The Bible says that the older women should teach the younger women how to be good wives. THIS MEANS THAT GOD KNOWS IT IS NOT A NATURAL SKILL-SET. Bottom line here is that we all will do what we have seen unless we are purposeful about learning a new way.

#10 - There is a final factor having to do with leadership and roles in the household, church and etc. I am more of a traditionalist when it comes to those things.

#11 - There is a final one that is HUGE. It's companionship. There is a book called His Needs - Her Needs that gets into it. A man, me included, wants a woman that enjoys just being with him. Like every now and again actually going to a game or going fishing or doing some yardwork. Whatever. It doesn't really matter. Men need to talk to their women. Women need to do activities with their men.

Those are my thoughts. Am I missing anything?

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Looking for Reasons to Marry? Here are Six!

Marriage is under attack. Even people who want to get married, sometimes struggle with their motivations. The most committed and devout Christians have a hard time arguing for marriage anymore. It's difficult. Sometimes it feels like too much hastle to even think about it, let alone find someone with whom you can start seriously talking about it. And there are more and more people telling you it isn't necessary, it's a relic of past times, there's just no reason for it...Biblical or otherwise!

Turns out that there are (at least) six great reasons to married!  Check these out!

1. Procreation (Genesis 1:28)
2. Pleasure (Proverbs 5:18-19)
3. Partnership (Genesis 2:18)
4. Picture of the Church (Ephesians 5:25)
5. Provision for the Woman (Ephesians 5:29)
6. Purity (Hebrews 13:4)

Some people think marriage is just for procreation and, therefore, not for those who don't want children. Some think it's only about financial gain or economic stability. But the truth of the matter is marriage is a gift given by God for all of those reasons and more...even pleasure! Praise the Lord!

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This just has to be said!?

Here's something I find funny. How many times a week do I hear someone indignantly telling someone something that "just has to be said!"? How many times do you try to "set someone straight" and it's always "for their own good", right?

"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear." ~ Ephesians 4:29

Truthfully, very little of what "has to be said" actually has to be said. You said it for self-therapy. You feel better. You gratified your own carnal desire. You didn't measure whether your words were wholesome, needed, timely, edifying or gracious. You just went off.

I like how our old friend King James says it: "A fool uttereth all his mind, but a wise man keepeth it in until afterwards." ~Prov 29:11

Do you have friends who uttereth all their minds? Keep better company. Do you uttereth all your mind? BECOME better company. Ask yourself this: Do they really, truly need to hear it? Or do you just really, truly want to say it?   Take more care.  We're going to be held accountable for every careless word we've spoken!

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"What to Do While You're Waiting?"

We're doing it again! We had so many people join us last time and give us AWESOME feedback that we just knew that you wanted this one more time!

LaTracey Copeland & Mark Anthony McCray have partnered up to host this FREE Conference Call to encourage you, help you and teach you what to do while you're waiting!

Our Special Guest for this call will be Terry Scott of Yielding Hearts!

After so many questions from our blog readers and friends in our Facebook communities, we felt like the time was NOW to discuss this topic with our friends and talk about all the things women AND men should do to prepare for success in their relationships - how to use your season of singleness the right ways.

This will be an interactive call, so come with your questions. No topic is off limits. BRING IT! We promise to be candid, honest and real with you...all while sharing the WORD and METHODS instead of just rehashed hype.


Dial In: 1-218-936-4141
Access Code: 942-9411

8PM to 9PM CST!!!
(9PM t0 10PM EST)

This is one you'll want to join for SURE!! Be sure to RSVP so we know to expect you. I've already had to add more "seats" to the event. Talk to you then!

RSVP HERE ---> THE FACEBOOK EVENT PAGE

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The REAL Reason Men Cheat?

Men almost never cheat because sex.  Maybe about 8% of the time.  Normally it happens because of some profound unmet needs.  Statistically, it doesn't happen as much as you think either.  (Somewhere between 20% and 37% of men according to most studies I've read.  Far from the 99% that the media wants you to believe!)  More often men are going to stay faithful in their marriages and be miserable for as long as they can take it.  When it does happen, it's not usually a "sex" thing.  He's starving for something else.  


A starving man is either going to steal or die...and given his instincts to live, he's probably going to try stealing first.

The men who read my blog and belong to my Facebook page have begged me to address this issue, but I've avoided it for a long time because so many of my women readers think it's excuse-making.  However, one thing I've learned about relationships is that problems within them are rarely one-sided. Rarely. Not saying it doesn't happen and neither am I blaming the "victims" but a lot of adultery in marriage fits into this category.  Very few cases of infidelity involve a woman and man who were actively meeting one another's needs and one person just decided to stray out of the blue!

If you starve a person of a major need, after a while they are going to seek it out or die. A man's need for respect and admiration will often contribute to him looking for it wherever he can find it - even if in the company of another woman. This is why we (the public) are often shocked at how "plain" some of the mistresses of prominent men look. We wonder to ourselves "Her? Really? He was willing to risk so much for her!?" Where, in reality, often that woman has learned how to stroke that man's ego in some ways he was sorely needing.

Does this excuse predatory and irresponsible behaviors? Not at all. Remember, however, that we're talking about needs. And needs, by definition, must be met and there are countless men who are facing a few demoralizing choices even today as you read this: commit adultery, end the marriage or die.

Needs must be met. A skillful woman learns how to address to address this need at home.

Blessings!

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Love is a Beautiful Thing.

Love is a beautiful thing. A human can't experience anything greater than being totally naked in front of another person and feeling total acceptance, no shame. I'm praying for this for all of you reading this today!

But you have to choose it. You have to take the chance and let your guard down. You have to forgive and let go of the past. But it's worth it. It truly is.

Blessings!

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The Freedom of Forgiveness

From time to time I'm reminded that this blog is also ministry. I have to keep spreading the Gospel. And there is no gospel that doesn't include forgiveness. And any time we accept forgiveness (which all Believers have) we are obligated to extend grace to others in abundance.

How often? How many times do we forgive those who sin against us?  Probably more than you have as you read this.  If you're like many people, you have a ways to go.  Even if you're into a couple dozen times, you have a ways to go before you come close to the standard set by Christ.

Forgiveness and reconciliation aren't the same thing. One can give and forgive without recommitting to the relationship.  Sometimes it is necessary to keep one's distance.  But continuing to hold grudges impacts your own business, family life, spiritual life and relationships.  You can't continue in health while keeping poison in your system.

And if you tell me it's a process, I'll debate you because I'm not convinced.  To the extent it's a process, I think it's mostly a matter of deciding when you're going to stop letting the poison slowly kill you.  That's about as much of a process as I'm willing to allow.  I think most of the time we call it that to justify why we haven't done it.

I talk about forgiveness a lot, but I understand hurts, pains, dejection and betrayal MUCH MORE than any of you think. MUCH MORE. But I also understand the freedom of forgiveness.  It breaks those ties that were chaining you to your past.  That's the only way to live. When you live looking back, you doom your own future. Keep hoping and living in expectancy!

Blessings!

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