"Eyeball Rolling, Neck Jerking and Finger Popping"

If I could find a way to draw one of those big red circles with a line through the middle of this Blog title, I would have.  Just imagine one in your mind and know that I am ANTI-Eyeball Rolling, Neck Jerking and Finger Popping!  Why? and what in the fiery furnace does this have to do with you and your relationships?

Glad you asked!  Hold on tight.  This could get personal!  First, a little background scripture.

Genesis 24 (NASB)

A Bride for Isaac

1 Now Abraham was old, advanced in age; and the LORD had blessed Abraham in every way.

2 Abraham said to his servant, the oldest of his household, who had charge of all that he owned, "Please place your hand under my thigh,

3 and I will make you swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you shall not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I live,

4 but you will go to my country and to my relatives, and take a wife for my son Isaac."

10 Then the servant took ten camels from the camels of his master, and set out with a variety of good things of his master's in his hand; and he arose and went to Mesopotamia, to the city of Nahor.

11 He made the camels kneel down outside the city by the well of water at evening time, the time when women go out to draw water.

12 He said, "O LORD, the God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today, and show lovingkindness to my master Abraham.

13 "Behold, I am standing by the spring, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water;

14 now may it be that the girl to whom I say, 'Please let down your jar so that I may drink,' and who answers, 'Drink, and I will water your camels also'--may she be the one whom You have appointed for Your servant Isaac; and by this I will know that You have shown lovingkindness to my master."

Rebekah Is Chosen

15 Before he had finished speaking, behold, Rebekah who was born to Bethuel the son of Milcah, the wife of Abraham's brother Nahor, came out with her jar on her shoulder.

16 The girl was very beautiful, a virgin, and no man had had relations with her; and she went down to the spring and filled her jar and came up.

17 Then the servant ran to meet her, and said, "Please let me drink a little water from your jar."

18 She said, "Drink, my lord"; and she quickly lowered her jar to her hand, and gave him a drink.

19 Now when she had finished giving him a drink, she said, "I will draw also for your camels until they have finished drinking."

20 So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, and ran back to the well to draw, and she drew for all his camels.

21 Meanwhile, the man was gazing at her in silence, to know whether the LORD had made his journey successful or not.

22 When the camels had finished drinking, the man took a gold ring weighing a half-shekel and two bracelets for her wrists weighing ten shekels in gold,

23 and said, "Whose daughter are you? Please tell me, is there room for us to lodge in your father's house?"

24 She said to him, "I am the daughter of Bethuel, the son of Milcah, whom she bore to Nahor."

25 Again she said to him, "We have plenty of both straw and feed, and room to lodge in."

26 Then the man bowed low and worshiped the LORD.

What a story!  There is so much that impresses me here as we look at how Rebekah became one of the matriarchs of the faith.  There is so much here that, I believe, applies to us today.  

In fact, that's where this Blog becomes personal for me.  

I get to "observe" a lot of behavior in real life and in the social networks.  It's funny.  Women ask me all the time whether I'm interested in them, their friend or other people.  They ask whether I think so-and-so is attractive.  Well, I'm a man, so that's the wrong question!  A lot of women are attractive, but very few will gain the attention of a quality man - the kind of man they say they want.

Rebekah did, however.  That's why I love her story.  It's full of lessons that we can apply today.  Here are some of the things I've picked up from her tale:

1. Rebekah was not actively out looking for a man.  She wasn't trying to be found.  She wasn't attending seminars on how to be sexier.  She wasn't interested in running game on the playas.  Rebekah was about her own business...

2. Rebekah was approachable. It would have been well within her abilities to totally ignore the servant. She also wasn't haughty.  She didn't go with the "how dare you" routine or make it hard to learn about her personal life (within reason) even...

3. Rebekah was generous. The servant didn't approach until she had her water already...yet she didn't tell him "go get your own" but she shared what was hers...

4. Rebekah was consumed with service. She went beyond "beyond" by serving his camels. She didn't say "here's my jar. Do it yourself. I'm tired!" But she far exceeded the call.  As a point of fact, the Bible says she went about helping quickly and even ran!  How many people do you see who run to help someone else?

What was the result? Stunned silence at first.  Worshipping God in thanks at the last.  What was her outcome? Stability, wealth and a place among the great Matriarchs of the faith.

Forgive the extra-long blog.  I just thought it was interesting.  I am not suggesting that you let dudes live with you on your couch, pay for all your dates or loan Pookie some cash until he gets on his feet.  HOWEVER...There is a LOT to be said for a woman who is kind, giving, patient and concerned for someone's well-being outside of her own.  That's all I'm saying.  I think this story is a tremendous model.  

Now let the eyeball rolling, neck jerking and finger popping begin!  I love my sisters and I want the best for you.  The "attitude" may not take you very far, however.  Anger isn't attractive.  A gentle smile and a little kindness will work far better.  Men are always watching and assessing.   Just like the Servant.  What do men see when they look at you?

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Are You Worthy of My Heart?

By Guest Blogger, Melissa Rich

I am speaking to men AND women here. Do you know how fragile an “open” heart really is? Do you have what it takes to nurture it and care for it tenderly and with deep concern? I’m not talking about broken people, I’m talking about people who open their heart to love and trust another human being and that person shatters their trust. Are you worthy of my heart?

Do you understand that even though I may appear strong, the very fact that I have committed my life to you is an indication that you can likely hurt me deeper than any other human being on the face of the earth? Your words cut deeper and your “looks” pierce my soul. I have freely given you the secrets of my heart, soul and mind. I have permitted you to see my imperfections and inadequacies. I have laid myself bare before you and you know my every flaw. Are you worthy of my heart?

I spent late nights talking with you and sharing my deepest fears and most painful experiences. I let my guard down enough for you to see that I too bleed. I trusted that you could handle not only my strength but also my weakness. I gave you an open door to my thought process and intentions.  I shared with you my deepest dreams and desires. I showed you the window to my soul and now I feel naked before you. Are you worthy of my heart?

An open heart is the most fragile thing on the earth. When one entrusts their deepest self to another expecting that things will always and forever remain as they were when the decision was first made; to open my heart and offer you a very unique place that only one human being will hold is an honor. Do you see it as such or do you take it for granted? Do you know how to love in such a way that you grasp the significance of an open heart? Have you experienced enough true love in your life to understand the responsibility that you are taking on when you encourage an open heart? Are you worthy of my heart?

Both, men and women, under God, need to really consider and understand that depth and validity of loving with God’s heart. When a person opens their heart to you, you now have a responsibility to protect what GOD has entrusted to you, whether the relationship continues or not.  Understanding how deeply God values that individual and how seriously He takes it when we treat one another carelessly. To overlook such a simple thing is to forget the very basics of who we profess to be. The love of God covers, it doesn’t expose and traumatize. It enfolds and protects, it doesn’t pretend to have no responsibility. Are you worthy of my heart?

So before you run out and fall in “love”…ask yourself these questions; do you know how to protect and cover another persons’ nakedness? Can they be naked and not ashamed with you…even when you are angry with them? Can they trust you with the part of them that when mishandled can undermine their entire being? Can you be trusted with a human heart?  Each one of us must ask ourselves this question. It isn’t about what you can get from another person; they have needs, too.  Can you and are you willing to be responsible with the seriousness that comes from someone giving you their heart? Are YOU worthy of “THEIR” heart?

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Courageous Conversations

Originally Posted by Advanced Training Institute International

How to resolve conflicts through clear communication

Husbands, wives, parents, children, friends, neighbors, employers—relationships fill our lives. They require the investments of time and care, especially when conflicts arise. A courageous conversation is an effective tool that you can use to resolve relational conflicts.

Ten questions are involved in a courageous conversation. Using these questions to guide your discussion, you willaddress (1) the pressing issue, (2) the consequences of the issue, (3) the responsibilities of those involved, and (4) the hopes and plans for improving the future.

Most people don’t feel safe enough to talk about their deepest needs and fears, because they know that few people are willing to try to listen from another person’s perspective. A courageous conversation can create an atmosphere of patient listening that blends the elements of mercy and truth, thus facilitating deeper communication.

One definition of intimacy is “in to me see.” When we look through another person’s eyes and try to see as he sees, we can begin to understand why he is behaving the way he is behaving. Then both of you can look at the truth together and each one will be challenged to make the necessary changes to resolve the issue. This attitude of seeking to understand each other and to work together to bring a solution is the key to the success of courageous conversations.

There are three goals for a courageous conversation:

1. To gain wisdom to see from a bigger perspective. Your perspective will broaden when you listen sincerely to others and when you seek God’s viewpoint about an issue.
2. To gain understanding that will establish trust in the relationship. When you try to see a situation from another person’s perspective, you can usually understand why he behaves as he does. In an environment of mercy, he will be free to share his heart and encouraged to honestly face the truth about his perspective of the issue.
3. To gain knowledge so that you can take the next step. When you have gained wisdom and understanding, God will grant the knowledge of His will to resolve any issue.

A courageous conversation often comes up without any invitation or planning. When it becomes apparent that there is a problem because someone seems hurt or feels frustrated with his efforts to communicate, it’s time to begin a courageous conversation. Watch for these cues, and be quick to humble yourself and initiate the process of understanding the root issues.

1. “What is your most pressing issue?”

Begin by humbly asking about the most pressing issue: “What I hear you saying is that your most pressing issue is . . . .”

2. “In addition to this issue, is there something else?”

The goal of asking this question is to get to the root issue, because many people are unable to describe their most pressing needs. Listen to what the frustrated person has to say, and try to see if one of the following two root issues is causing his intense feelings:

• Fear of Rejection—An issue or person is making him feel like he is unacceptable, and consequently he doesn’t feel good about himself.
• Fear of Failure—An issue or person is making him feel inadequate.

If it is appropriate, and if you sense that the person is open to discussing these issues, you may ask if these fears are the root problems. Otherwise, go ahead and discuss the issue that he identified as the most pressing one.

Write down the most pressing issue, because all of the other questions will refer to it. If there is more than one issue, ask which is the most pressing. You can effectively deal with only one issue at a time.

3. “How is this issue affecting you?”

When you ask this question, listen closely to the response and try to put yourself in the other person’s place. Take the brunt of his intense emotions, and do not defend yourself. Instead, grieve with him over the hurt that you or others have inflicted on him. Such a response on your part will enable you to see how serious the issue really is and how it affects you and those around you.

It is important for you to express an understanding of how they feel. When people feel that they are heard and cared for, they can begin to move on to resolving their issues. To express your understanding, rephrase what you heard the person say—to his satisfaction.

4. “What will the future be like if nothing changes?”

At this point in the conversation, you will see the high cost of doing nothing. Do not gloss over what you hear; stop and truly consider the issue as it is perceived by the other person. As you take this step, both of you will be motivated to resolve the issue.

Once again, rephrase what you heard the other person say. If he is not satisfied with your understanding, be patient as he again verbalizes his thoughts so that you can truly understand.

5. “What do you see as my responsibility in this issue?”

This question opens up the opportunity to really understand the heart of the other person as he shares his real needs. If you begin to explain, complain, or blame him in response to what he says, the conversation will fail. You need to show a willingness to humble yourself and to seek after Christ’s righteousness, instead of defending your own righteousness.

Try to express the heart of the other person by rephrasing what he has said, to his satisfaction. If you have further insights about your responsibilities, be willing to share them with him to reveal that you understand the issue.

6. “What do you see as your responsibility in this issue?”

This question may take him by surprise, since he has probably been looking at himself as a victim instead of seeing thathe also has responsibility in the situation. Allowing him to share the responsibility for resolving the issue is a turning point in the conversation.

7. “What does the preferable future look like to you?”

Now it is time to focus on what could be and should be. You will find hope for a solution as you agree on a desired future and begin to share a vision that restores your enthusiasm and sense of partnership. God will begin to help you see the future as He sees it, filled with plans for good and not for evil.

8. “What is the most powerful thing that we can agree to ask God for?”

Since the personal responsibilities and the preferable future have been discussed, it is time to decide how you will pursue that future. Will you seek to resolve the issue in your own strength, or will you rely on the power of God to fill you and enable you to walk in His ways of harmony, responsibility, and peace? You now have the opportunity to cast your burdens on the Lord and seek His aid for living in full restoration. “Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee” (Psalm 55:22).

9. “Based on what we have learned so far, what is the one thing we cannot fail to do?”

Identify a basic action that will help you correct the behavior that led to your conflict. Focus on the main thing that will make a difference if you do it with consistency and excellence. Ask, “What is the one thing that we cannot fail to do, or everything else will be rendered inconsequential?”

The objective you agree on should be understood by everyone involved. It can be an idea such as, “We cannot fail to communicate.” Identify the objective that will help you move toward the preferable future and set you on the path to peace with each other.

10. “What practical steps must we take to make this happen?”

Now is the time to talk about the things you can do to make your objectives happen. These are activities you can plan out—you know who is supposed to do what by when. These are the highly leveraged steps that produce great results.

May God grant you the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding that you may walk worthy of His noble calling and produce fruit that will stand the test of eternity as you make noble plans and carry out noble deeds.

This article is adapted with permission from materials by Chris Hogan.

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Meeting Your Wife’s Seven Basic Needs

by Advanced Training Institute International

(You can read about meeting your husband's needs here!) 

As a husband, it is your responsibility to nurture and cherish your wife, to instruct your wife, and to meet her needs. You are to love your wife as you love yourself. (See Ephesians 5:22-29, 33.) As you gain insight about your wife’s needs, it is imperative that you take steps to fully meet those needs. As you love your wife as Christ loves the Church, she will be motivated to reverence you. (See Ephesians 5:33.)

Following is a description of seven basic needs of a wife, accompanied by projects that can serve as tools to equip you to be a Godly husband, one who loves his wife as Christ loves the Church. “He that loveth his wife loveth himself”(Ephesians 5:28).

1. A wife needs a husband who demonstrates spiritual leadership.

A husband can lead his wife in her spiritual journey by consistently pursuing a deeper relationship with Christ, honoring Scriptural convictions, making wise decisions, and demonstrating genuine love. As your wife sees you establish Godly standards in your life, she will be motivated to set similar standards in her life and to submit to your leadership.

Maintain Biblical Disciplines

How are you striving to grow in the grace and knowledge of the Lord? (See II Peter 3:18.) Review the following list. Which of these activities could be observed in your life? Which of these activities should be observed in your life?

1. Regular reading and study of God’s Word
2. Consistent memorization of Scripture
3. Daily meditation on Scripture
4. Faithfulness in prayer
5. Regular church attendance
6. Fellowship with committed Christians
7. Conversation about spiritual matters

Ask the Lord to show you how to increase in Godliness. As you establish personal goals for spiritual maturity, ask a brother in the Lord to hold you accountable for reaching those goals.

Live by Scriptural Convictions

What evidences of Scriptural convictions do you have or purpose to have? Set aside a period of time in which you can document your convictions and the basis for each one. Here are some examples:

• Demonstrating love for God by loving your wife, children, and others. (See I John 4:20.)
• Purposing to make your home a center of Godly learning and living. (See Psalm 101.)
• Avoiding actions or activities that might cause your wife, children, or others to stumble. (See Romans 14.)

It is not enough to simply identify Scriptural convictions; you must be determined to make decisions that are guided by those convictions and standards. Be an example of obedience and faithfulness to your wife as you uphold Godly convictions in your family.

Do these obstacles hinder your consistent obedience to Godly standards?

• Wrong priorities
• Pride
• Guilt from past failures
• Lack of wisdom
• Losing your temper
• Bondage to enslaving habits
• Influence by, and attention to, television
• Companionship with wrong friends

Determine steps to overcome obstacles and walk in the victory that has been purchased for you by the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Demonstrate Genuine Love

Your wife needs to see a demonstration of genuine love in everything you say and do. Let the prayer of the Apostle Paul to the church in Philippi be your guide: “I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment; that ye may approve things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ; being filled with the fruits of righteousness, which are by Jesus Christ, unto the glory and praise of God” (Philippians 1:9-11).

List the ways that you demonstrate love to your wife. Then ask her to explain which ones do or do not express love to her, and why.

2. A wife needs to know she is meeting her husband’s vital needs.

A wife finds security and purpose in knowing that she is meeting needs in her husband’s life that no other woman can meet. She needs to know that she is precious in his eyes. (See Genesis 2:18, 21-23.)

The scourge of a woman is jealousy—the fear of being displaced. Your wife needs to be confident not only that you love her but that you also desire her companionship and sincerely need her assistance.

Share Your Needs

Your wife needs to know that as your helpmeet, she “completes” you. (See Genesis 1:21-24.) To give your wife the satisfaction of meeting your needs, explain your needs with openness and clarity and share what she can do to meet those needs and accomplish your top priorities for the family.

It is human nature for a husband to not want to share his needs with his wife, because he doesn’t want to risk losing her admiration. However, you will win your wife’s love more effectively if you honestly share both your failures and your successes.

Thoughtfully Praise Your Wife

Is your wife now meeting needs in your life that no other woman can meet? Compile a list, share your insights with your wife, and express gratefulness to her for meeting those exclusive needs. Here are a few examples to consider as you compile your own unique list:

• She can give you the joy of a physical relationship without guilt. (See Proverbs 5:19-20.)
• She is a safeguard to your hasty decisions because of her need for security and consistency.
• She discerns the real needs of the children.

3. A wife needs a husband who cherishes her.

Cherish means “to protect and love (a person)” and “to care for tenderly; nurture.” A wife needs reassurance that her husband cherishes her, valuing her above all other people, possessions, or activities. Your wife needs to know that your delight in her goes beyond the things she can do for you. If she does not feel cherished, she becomes insecure.

List the character qualities and personality traits that first attracted you to your wife. You may want to write this list in your prayer journal, as a reminder to intercede for your wife in regard to her weaknesses and as a reminder of reasons you “rejoice with the wife of thy youth” (Proverbs 5:18).

Deepen Your Wife’s Security Through Acceptance

A wife needs to know that her husband accepts her “unchangeables,” especially the ones she herself has difficulty accepting. You have a unique opportunity to love your wife by helping her learn the Scriptural basis of self-acceptance.

List any unchangeable physical features, family circumstances, and past experiences that your wife finds difficult to accept, such as a physical handicap, poverty, or divorced parents. Ask the Lord to show you how each of these unchangeables has produced or strengthened in your wife character qualities or attitudes that you admire. Share these insights with your wife and help her understand ways that God has benefited her life through those situations that were, or are, beyond her control.

4. A wife needs a husband who protects her.

A wife wants her husband to be alert to her spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical strengths and weaknesses and to lovingly provide wise direction and security.

Scripture instructs husbands to dwell with their wives “according to knowledge,” giving honor unto them “as unto the weaker vessel.” (See I Peter 3:7.) A wife needs to be well understood, so that her husband can discern when to be firm and when to be lenient.

Establish Appropriate Boundaries

Your wife especially needs your protection in the form of establishing boundaries so that she will fulfill her responsibilities within appropriate limitations. Work with your wife to discern her top priorities and ensure that she has the time and resources needed to fulfill her responsibilities.

Does your wife need your protection through the loving provision of boundaries in any of the following areas?

• Lack of sleep
• Unfinished projects
• Inappropriate clothing
• Poor eating habits
• Neglecting personal appearance
• Tardiness
• Destructive self-criticism
• Volunteering

5. A wife needs to have intimate communication with her husband.

A wife yearns for intimate communication with her husband. Intimate conversation is a key factor in maintaining oneness of spirit in your marriage. Your wife needs to know that she can safely share her deepest emotions with you.

You would be wise to establish a regular time to invest in your wife by giving her your undivided attention. Your investment will earn an amazing return!

Set Aside Time for Talking Together

Have you and your wife established a regular time to have uninterrupted, intimate conversation? If not, make it a priority to discuss that goal with your wife within the week. (Your enthusiasm about the idea will bless your wife, but you may have to persuade her to make the commitment to give you her undivided attention, especially if she tends to be a diligent wife and mother.) Persevere. It’s worth it.

Consider places your wife would enjoy going in order to have special time with you:

• Breakfast at ________________.
• Lunch at ___________________.
• At home during ______________.

Acknowledge distractions that frequently hinder intimate conversation when you and your wife are together:

• Having your mind on other things
• Phone calls
• Talking to friends you meet
• Loud music or other irritating noises
• Interruptions by the children

Ask the Lord to make you alert and sensitive to distractions, and purpose to avoid them or eliminate them, whichever would be most appropriate.

Address Fears and Concerns

Most wives have deep fears and emotions that they have never shared with their husbands. It is your responsibility tolovingly and patiently help your wife identify and verbalize her fears and gain wisdom from God to resolve them.

During your times of intimate conversation, consider choosing one of the areas listed below and asking her how she feels about it. After listening attentively to her initial response, ask, “In addition to that, do you have any other feelings about it?”

• Insecurity if her husband dies
• Growing old
• Becoming unattractive to her husband
• Poor health
• Failure as a wife and mother
• Being displaced by another woman
• Husband losing his job
• Future of the children

As your wife confides in you, admitting her fears, ask the Lord to give you wisdom to help her resolve each one, through Christ.

6. A wife needs a husband who honors her.

A wife needs to know that her husband honors her. You can honor your wife in many ways, such as being attentive during conversation, using good manners, and praising her.

Practice Good Manners

Review the following list of good manners. If you are not practicing some of them, make a conscious effort to practice the habits that would particularly bless your wife.

• Making her aware of your schedule and priorities
• Being punctual
• Refraining from using crude language
• Personal cleanliness, neatness, and grooming
• Lifting heavy objects for her
• Seating her at the table
• Putting your dirty laundry in its proper place
• Helping her on and off with her coat

Be Attentive

Make a commitment to be attentive to your wife. For example, when she asks you a question, stop what you are doing, look at her, answer her question (even the little ones), and communicate your love for her through your tone of voice as well as your facial expression.

7. A wife needs a husband who invests in her life.

A wife needs her husband’s support and encouragement to learn new skills and broaden her field of interests. Your wife needs to know that you do not take her for granted and that you are eager to invest in her life spiritually, emotionally, physically, and financially.

Offer Support and Encouragement

Your wife needs your active leadership in your relationship. Consider the suggestions below, and invest in your wife’s life as the Holy Spirit shows you specific ways that you can support and encourage her.

1. Provide opportunities for her to develop her gifts, skills, and talents. This may involve opportunities within your family, your church, or your community. Be sensitive to your wife’s desire for more training, if she would like to pursue new areas of service.
2. Together, define the responsibilities that each of you has in your family.
3. Visualize how you can add new dimensions to her responsibilities so that she can recognize the future value, and eternal value, of what she is presently doing.

Seek to Meet Your Wife’s Needs

When you entered the covenant of marriage with your wife, you made a lifelong commitment to love her, which includes meeting her needs as your wife. Such a commitment demands faithfulness, endurance, and love that is willing to make sacrifices. Rely on God’s grace and wisdom as you seek to become a Godly husband who understands his wife’s needs and successfully fulfills his responsibilities.

If you need help determining whether you are the kind of man who can appreciate this kind of woman, you need this teaching...

Order your copy today here: http://store.payloadz.com/details/1874100-audio-books-relationships-10-things-to-consider-about-a-man.html

In the mean time, as you work this out, learn to be humble and strong enough to change. As we've talked about before, there's nothing wrong with giving a little ground to get along better.  It doesn't make you any less of a person nor any weaker of a person.  God bless!


Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways: Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com Phone: 281-846-5720 Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/ Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/ Click HERE for information on Mark as a speaker or presenter and HERE to learn about coaching programs to help you realize your potential and live more prosperously!

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways: Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com Phone: 281-846-5720 Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/ Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/ Click HERE for information on Mark as a speaker or presenter and HERE to learn about coaching programs to help you realize your potential and live more prosperously!

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Meeting Your Husband’s Seven Basic Needs

or "How to Be a Godly Wife" by Advanced Training Institute International

(You can read about meeting your wife's needs here!) 

As a wife, you are uniquely qualified to fully meet your husband’s needs and cause him to “rejoice in the wife of his youth” (Proverbs 5:18).

In His Word, God clearly establishes the responsibilities of a husband and a wife. (See Genesis 3:16, Ephesians 5:22-33, Colossians 3:18-19, and I Peter 3:1-7.) It is the wife’s responsibility to honor and reverence her husband.

Following is a description of seven basic needs of a husband, accompanied by ideas to help you to become a Godly wife. As you gain insights into your husband’s needs, take steps to meet those needs.

1. A man needs a wife who is loyal and supportive.

Helping her husband fulfill his goals and dreams is a wife’s main responsibility. Remember that you are to support his vision—he establishes the goals and priorities for your family. A foolish wife will crush her husband’s spirit by resisting his decisions, and God will hold her accountable for disobedience to His instructions. (See Ephesians 5:22-24.) If your husband’s goals are not in harmony with Scripture, you should make a wise appeal.

Realize that your husband’s perspective is different than yours.

A man’s goals often involve long-range achievement. Therefore, a man is willing to sacrifice short-term convenience in order to meet an important long-term goal. However, a wife’s perspective usually centers on short-term goals associated with her responsibilities in the family and home. During times of pressure, a wife should keep the “big picture” in mind. Accept difficult situations from God without giving Him a deadline to remove them.

Encourage your husband.

Encourage your husband not to give up on God-given goals. Urge him to verbalize his dreams and hopes, and give him your wholehearted support. Ask him how you can help him reach his goals. If your husband fails to set goals or give direction to you and your family, pray for him and trust God to work in his life. (See Proverbs 3:5-7.)

Be enthusiastic about your husband’s achievements. Sharing his excitement is more important than sharing his work. Your husband needs and wants your faithful, loyal, and enthusiastic support.

Believe in your husband—no matter what.

Loyalty can be demonstrated only in adversity. A husband needs to know that his wife is committed to him no matter what and that she will look first to him for counsel and direction. Use difficult times to reflect the depth of your commitment to your husband, and do not ask others for counsel without his permission.

A wife is never supposed to “take over.”

In response to pressures within the family or within a marital relationship, a foolish wife will take matters into her own hands. When you intrude into one area of responsibility, even with the “good” motive of meeting urgent needs, your husband will most likely surrender other responsibilities as well. Initially, it may appear that you succeed in fulfilling responsibilities that should be carried out by your husband. However, in the long run, the decision to usurp or ignore your husband’s responsibility to meet those needs will do much more harm than good. (See Proverbs 14:1.)

It’s God’s job to convict your husband—not yours.

Purpose not to become your husband’s conscience. Wisely appeal wrong decisions, and then give him room to fail. Be loyal, faithful, and enduring. Trust in God to work everything together for good. (See Romans 8:28.)

Seek your husband’s advice first.

A wife should demonstrate loyalty to her husband’s wishes, goals, and standards. Therefore, when a need arises, you should seek your husband’s guidance and counsel first, especially in regard to family issues, rather than seeking advice from other family members and friends.

If you have questions about spiritual matters, you should first take them to your husband. If the two of you are unable to find the answers, then request help from wiser, more mature believers, such as your pastor, parents, or other mentors. (See I Corinthians 14:35.)

Enjoy the privilege of physical intimacy.

God grants spouses full access to each other’s bodies for sexual gratification. “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other . . .” (I Corinthians 7:3-5; see also Ephesians 5:24 and Colossians 3:17-19). Resistance or indifference to your husband’s need for physical intimacy is the unspoken crushing of his spirit.

2. A man needs a wife who honors his leadership.

Scripture instructs a wife to reverence her husband. (See Ephesians 5:33.) What does that mean? To reverence a husband means “to respect, defer to, revere him; to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy him.”

Honor your husband’s God-given authority.

When a wife observes her husband’s weaknesses, it can be difficult to reverence him, but God requires every wife to reverence her husband because of his God-given position of authority as her husband. The Lord will direct your life through your husband’s leadership and protection. As you reverence your husband—voluntarily and sincerely adore and be devoted to him—God will bless you. That is the plan, and it works. Trust God. Reverence your husband. (See I Peter 3:1-6.)

Express appreciation and admiration for your husband’s Godliness.

Spiritual leadership encompasses more than praying, reading the Bible, and witnessing. It involves inward strength of character that is demonstrated by standing for what is right. Whenever a man refuses to compromise Scriptural convictions, he deserves the highest praise and admiration from his wife. Let your husband hear you praise him to others.

Express your confidence in your husband.

God works through a husband’s decisions, whether they are good decisions or bad decisions. Bad decisions reveal a man’s needs and give his wife the opportunity to appeal and to grow in Godly character such as faith, patience, and forgiveness. (See Colossians 3:12-18, I Thessalonians 5:15, and Ephesians 4:31-32.) Reassure your husband of your confidence in him and in the Lord. Pray for him; tell your husband how God is working in your life through his leadership. (See I Thessalonians 5:12-13.)

Help your husband understand your needs.

Often, a wife assumes that her husband knows what protection she needs. However, most men need direction on how to protect a wife. It is important for you to tell your husband about your hidden fears, pressures, and weaknesses and to suggest things that he can do to provide protection for you physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Ask him to pray for you and with you, especially when you are going through times of temptation, discouragement, or pressure.

Submission to your husband is a reflection of your faith in God.

The Bible speaks of holy women of old whose subjection to a husband’s leadership was a demonstration of their faith in God. (See I Peter 3:5.)

For example, Abraham failed to protect his wife Sarah (see Genesis 12:10-20 and Genesis 20), yet she still “obeyed Abraham, calling him lord” (I Peter 3:6a). Sarah trusted God to meet her needs through her authority (Abraham), and God worked supernaturally on Sarah’s behalf to protect her from harm. That verse goes on to exhort all wives to follow her example: “. . . Whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well [“be a well-doer . . . as a duty”], and are not afraid with any amazement” (I Peter 3:6b).

Don’t undermine your husband’s leadership.

Proverbs 14:1 says, “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” A foolish wife can unknowingly—or deliberately—crush her husband’s spirit by making foolish choices. For example, if you seek to be financially independent, your self-sufficiency can crush your husband’s spirit. God gave your husband the responsibility to provide for his family. A wise wife will trust God to provide for her family’s needs through her husband’s leadership.

3. A man needs a wife who develops inward and outward beauty.

Every woman wants to be the wife of her husband’s dreams. The inward qualities of a meek spirit and quiet spirit are the keys to genuine attractiveness. “Let it [your adorning] be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek [mild, humble] and quiet [undisturbed and undisturbing] spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price” (I Peter 3:4).

Learn to have a meek and quiet spirit.

A wife demonstrates a meek and quiet spirit when she yields all her personal rights and expectations to God and is sincerely thankful for things that are done for her. A wife must be confident that “all things work together for good to them that love God . . .” (Romans 8:28). As you put your trust in the Lord, you can walk in peace, without worry or fear.

To develop a meek and quiet spirit you should:

• Understand the difference between your rights (what you expect or deserve from others) and your responsibilities (what you need to do).
• Yield your rights and expectations to God.
• Fulfill your responsibilities faithfully and diligently, regardless of what others are doing or failing to do. (See Proverbs 31:10-31.)
• Grow in Godly character by properly responding to disappointments. (See Colossians 3:12-18.)
• Practice contentment and gratefulness. (See Philippians 4:11-13 and I Timothy 6:6-12.)

Be conscious of your potential influence in your family.

The home is a symbol of the husband’s wisdom, provision, and protection, but the wife’s spirit sets the mood of the home. It is essential for a wife to promote an atmosphere of peace in the home. (See Psalm 34:14, II Corinthians 13:11, and Colossians 3:15.) Work toward that goal by keeping your home free of clutter, training the children to be orderly, and requesting needed home repairs promptly.

As you carefully evaluate the needs, schedules, and resources available to your family, you will become an efficient helpmeet. By coordinating family activities and responsibilities, you will eliminate tension and help establish a calm household.

Stay beautiful for your husband.

In addition to nurturing a meek and quiet spirit inwardly, a wife should strive to maintain her outward beauty as well. A wife should dress to please her husband. She should have a joyful countenance and select clothing that draws attention to it. A wife should always be well groomed.

Practice self-control, especially in the area of diet.

God is concerned about the bondage of overeating and gluttony, and many wives struggle with the issue of self-control, especially after giving birth to children. Weight control requires consistent conformity to God’s principles of living.

Let God and your husband know you care about your weight. Ask your husband to help you identify and remove hindrances to weight control, such as unhealthy foods, poor meal schedules, medical problems, or bitterness. Work together to accomplish specific goals. Your efforts to stay healthy and physically fit will bless your husband.

4. A man needs a wife who will make appeals, not demands.

If a wife discerns that her husband is going to cause damage to the Lord’s reputation, to their family, to others, or to himself, she should appeal to him, following proper guidelines:

• Be in right standing with God and your husband. (See Matthew 7:21 and Romans 10:9-11.)
• Use the right basis for the appeal: your husband’s reputation, goals, or authority. (See Matthew 6:9-13.)
• Discern the right timing. (See Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7.)
• Thoroughly present accurate facts. (See James 4:3.)
• Have right attitudes. (See Matthew 6:15 and Psalm 51:10.)
• Choose the right wording. (See Psalm 19:14, Ephesians 4:29, and Ecclesiastes 5:2.)
• Respond with grace to your husband’s decision.

Learn more about making wise appeals >>

Your husband’s success should be the motivation for your appeal.

Concern for your husband’s reputation, goals, or authority should be the motivation for your appeal. You should explain your needs and concerns without condemning him, wait for the right timing to present the appeal, and then respond to his final decision with a meek and quiet spirit.

Serve your husband well.

If you fail to demonstrate loyalty, genuine love, and a servant’s heart, your appeal will probably not be accepted. (See I Peter 3:1-6.) However, when a wife does demonstrate those attitudes, she will have tremendous influence with her husband.

Guard your heart and your mouth.

Ask your husband to tell you when he senses that you have a resistant spirit, and then repent and ask for his forgiveness. Gain insights from the examples of Godly women in Scripture who made appeals, such as Esther. (See Esther 3-9.)

Do not discredit your husband, like Abigail discredited her husband when she appealed to King David (see I Samuel 25:25), because in the future those who react to your husband can easily distort and misuse your words to bring dishonor to him.

5. A man needs a wife who understands his need for time alone with God.

A man needs time to be alone with the Lord. If you react and feel rejected when your husband takes time to be alone with the Lord, you will frustrate him. The richer a man’s fellowship with God is, the sweeter a man’s fellowship with his wife and family will be.

Recognize the benefits of his time alone.

Every man should have a private meeting place where he can fellowship with God without interruptions or distractions. A man’s desire to be alone with God does not indicate rejection of his wife but rather provides him with an opportunity to gain a broader perspective on life and to be refreshed spiritually.

Encourage your husband to establish a quiet place where he can study, pray, read, and think. Increase your prayers for your husband when he is seeking the Lord. Encourage your husband to share with the family that which God is teaching him. Offer to share burdens that affect his spirit over long periods of time. (See Galatians 6:2.)

6. A man needs a grateful wife.

Expectations destroy gratefulness. Gratefulness is the basis of joyfulness, and a joyful wife is a crown to her husband. (See Proverbs 12:4.) An unhappy wife is a public rebuke to him. A husband feels like a prisoner of his wife’s expectations if she does not release them to the Lord. (See Psalm 62:5.)

Frequently express sincere gratitude.

A wife should continually be expressing sincere gratitude for the loving provision of her husband rather than continually reminding him of his shortcomings and failures. To develop a grateful spirit, you should expect nothing and learn to be appreciative of each little expression of your husband’s love.

Thank your husband for the things he is currently doing for you. Point out your husband’s strengths and encourage him to further develop them, for the glory of God. Praise your husband for wisely avoiding worldly traps and for making righteous decisions.

Become a virtuous woman.

Memorize the fruit of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5:22-23, and then visualize how the struggles and joys of your marriage can help you develop Godly qualities. Trust God to work all things together for your good, your husband’s good, and your family’s good. (See Romans 8:28.)

7. A man needs a wife who will be praised by others.

When a woman is praised for her character and for her good works, she brings honor to her husband and to the Lord.“Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates” (Proverbs 31:30-31).

Several passages of Scripture describe the traits of a Godly woman, especially Proverbs 31:10-31, Titus 2:3-5, and I Timothy 5:9-10, 14. You would be wise to carefully study these passages and make it your goal to adhere to the standards they set forth so “that the Word of God be not blasphemed [i.e., vilified, defamed]” (Titus 2:5) and you will not“give occasion to the adversary [Satan] to speak reproachfully” (I Timothy 5:14). As a Godly wife, you will be given strength and honor, and you “shall rejoice in time to come” (Proverbs 31:25).

You can become a Godly wife.

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her . . . . She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:10-12).

You can become a virtuous wife, doing your husband good and not evil all the days of his life. As you meet your husband’s needs, you will bring glory to God, and the heart of your husband will trust in you. Your husband will “rejoice in the wife of his youth!”

If you need help determining whether the guy you're dating is the kind who can appreciate this kind of woman, you need this teaching...

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In the mean time, as you work this out, learn to be humble and strong enough to change. As we've talked about before, there's nothing wrong with giving a little ground to get along better.  It doesn't make you any less of a person nor any weaker of a person.  God bless!


Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways: Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com Phone: 281-846-5720 Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/ Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/ Click HERE for information on Mark as a speaker or presenter and HERE to learn about coaching programs to help you realize your potential and live more prosperously!

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted! He can be reached in the following ways: Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com Phone: 281-846-5720 Twitter: @LiveBIGDieEmpty Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/LiveBIGDieEmpty LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/markanthonymccray/ Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/103149858138414160703/posts YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/markanthonymccray Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/markmccray/ Click HERE for information on Mark as a speaker or presenter and HERE to learn about coaching programs to help you realize your potential and live more prosperously!

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