I suppose everyone has a "list" of what they're looking for in a potential partner. Maybe I should say "had" a list? I did. I had to throw mine away and go to God in prayer and the Word in study to start rebuilding it. I'm going to help you rebuild your list, too!
Here are the kinds of things the were on the Old Mark's list:
- Breast size (bigger equal-ED better <--- past tense i.e. grapefruits are better than grapes)
- Hip size (must pass the pinky test i.e., fit between my pinkies if I touch my thumbs together and stretch my hands out)
- Weight (must be able to carry her without getting tired...you know, in case something goes down.)
- Height (from 5'5" to 5'9")
- Age (from as young as half my age + seven years, or 25, to up to five years younger than me, or 34)
- # of Kids & Baby-Daddies (one...two acceptable if same baby daddy)
- Denominational preference (No COGIC or Church of Christ, Non-Doms looked at with skepticism)
- Republican vs. Democrat (Obama voter = NO DICE!)
That was my OLD foolishness. I exaggerate a little for effect. I'm not exaggerating that much.
I'm being reformed. I've been spending more time in study. Let me help you fix your list! How you craft your list is 100% up to you but let me tell you what items should be at the top:
The Man's List
1. Can I be naked and unashamed (transparent) in front of her or do I feel like I'm hiding, performing or acting like someone other than myself?
2. Can she HELP me in my Godly mission and purpose?
3. Is she suitable/equal to me?
4. Whatever...
The Woman's List
1. Can I be naked and unashamed in front of him or do I feel like I'm hiding something, performing or afraid to be the real me?
2. Can I HELP him in his Godly mission and purpose? Was I made for him?
3. Whatever...
(I'm not adding the "suitability" measure to the woman's list at this time. As I'm writing this, I believe that has to be defined by God for the man.)
Of course you're going to be attracted to whom you're going to be attracted, but a lot of that superficial stuff should fall lower and lower on your list as you mature.
Here are some GOOD things for your list after the first few items:
- Does she "fit" within my family?
- Can I cover her and add to her life?
- Do those closest to me, who love me and whom I trust, honor my decision in him/her? Or do they all think I'm crazy?
- Do I respect him?
- Does he have a plan for his life?
- Is she respectful and supportive?
- Does she create a peaceful environment around herself?
- Does he pray?
Let's start looking at each other more deeply. Let's try to see one another through God's eyes and we'll make better choices. I know some of you won't hear me. You're still going to insist that he must drive a Cadillac!
"...And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed." ~Genesis 2:25
"Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." ~Genesis 2:18
A few years ago, after my divorce, I began to realize something very important about my dreams and desires for any future relationships. I found that I was spending a lot of time thinking about the realities of those failed relationships and I was focused on all the things I DID NOT want in a future mate, instead of really visualizing the things I DID want and deserved!
ReplyDeleteI have also heard this many times in conversations with other single women who have been emotionally drained by failed relationships. It's seems that our emotional and even physical "fallout" keeps us stuck in the pit of despair and ruminating over all the ways that previous partner/s failed us that we're unable to look UP and SEE what we really desire. Or we're simply so bruised, we just can't realize that we're entitled to have bigger dreams and higher expectations of a relationship which actually does meet all our needs! At one point, I even said to myself, "Well, it's just safer, when it comes to relationships, not to have ANY expectations! That way I won't have any disappointments!"
Many women are simply asking to be chosen, or belong to someone, ANYONE! I think our judgment becomes clouded when it comes to choosing potential partners because of this sense of desperation. We feel inadequate, lost, unlikable or lovable, not "whole" or not meeting the world's standard of having a "happy, satisfying" life simply because we're single. EVERYONE, who is ANYONE is getting hooked up with someone, right? What's wrong with me that I can't MAKE that happen? I must be messed up! So, the first guy who shows us any kind of attention, even negative attention, seems to attract. The sad reality is that when we're approaching it from this mindset, we can become a magnet for abusive or controlling men who can spot our vulnerability from a mile away!
Then, like you, I began to draft a new list. A list of all the positive things I believed I DESERVED from a future mate. And while there were worthwhile aspects to this list, I, too, began to understand that all the best lists, or planning on my part, could NOT replace the beautiful plan my Heavenly Father has for me! And if I was fully committed to trusting HIM to lead me in HIS plan, my future mate was really in HIS hands. Part of my trouble in past relationships was the fact that I decided I was "in charge" of the choosing! Now, armed with this realization, I don't trust myself to make the choice. And I don't spend my time or a majority of my thoughts on the matter.
I have learned that a life fully given over to HIM means our focus is on HIM alone. We allow HIS direction of every minute of our every day. Every breath comes from HIM and HE knows the direction HE wants my life to take! So, even making a simple list now seems presumptive, when I just want to be lead by HIM! IF HE wants me to have a partner in future, He is going to have to lead me to that person. And meanwhile, instead of concerning myself with what that person will be like, I pray the HE makes me fully ready to receive! And I fully trust that HIS choice for me will meet all the desires and dreams I could ever imagine for myself, even those that I cannot conceive today!
"Do not fret because of those who are evil
or be envious of those who do wrong;for like the grass they will soon wither,like green plants they will soon die away.
Trust in the LORD and do good;dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Take delight in the LORD,and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD;trust in him and he will do this:He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn" ~~ Psalm 37:1-6
Incredible, incredible comments, Ruth Anne. Thank you for sharing!
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