Do We Want Too Much?

If I were more brave, this is the blog I would write so I will just imagine that I'm as brave as that and keep typing...

 Here's the thing. I feel like it is absolutely 100% inevitable that I will either sooner or later disappoint either my girlfriend or (if so blessed one day) my wife. A part of me feels like we're dealing with a generation of people who can't be happy. I think many men agree with me whether they will admit it or not.  It seems like the shine of new relationships wear off so fast and then everyone if off looking for the next new thing.

That is quite sobering.  You see, I realize that the #1 reason for divorce (women do the filing anywhere from 66% to 90% of the time depending on who you believe) is plain old dissatisfaction.  It becomes terrifying.  Things like infidelity and physical violence are never listed as top reasons among scientific studies.  The most common reasons given by women usually come down to either dissatisfaction or the feeling that she simply outgrew him.

So this is a post to pose a question: Do we want too much?  Can we be satisfied by partners who are real humans and, therefore, far less than perfect?  Even if you're faithful and peaceful, it seems like only a matter of time before you will come up very short.

What do we do?  Can we increase satisfaction somehow or do we just have to do better and wish for the best?  Talk to me!

Finally... I always appreciate your support! Consider purchasing "10 Things to Consider About a Man" to learn more about what a good man really looks like! ---> Purchase here <---

One more thing... please share this blog with your friends if it has been a blessing to you and use the box to the right of this page to subscribe.  I want to stay in touch with you!  Thank you and God bless!

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"Paul was NOT Sexist" AKA "The Romans 16 Woman"

Everyone talks about the Proverbs 31 woman, but what about the Romans 16 woman? It's time for her to get her due, too! (The Proverbs 31 Man is rarely mentioned, but that's another story for another blog!) 

Romans 16 is Paul's final farewell and instruction to Believers. Romans is his great work, as it were. It is Paul's magnum opus. Nearing the end of his life and ministry, he uses this letter to give final words to watch out for false doctrine and teachings. His aim was to give a master outline of the faith once and for all.

With his mission accomplished, how does he end his work? He closes by expressing his overflowing gratitude and affection for those who have labored tirelessly in the work of ministry. Names among those who have Paul's heart are a large number of women: Phoebe, Priscilla, Mary, Junia, Tryphena and Tryphosa, Persis, Rufus’ mother and Paul’s mother, Julia and the sister of a man named Nereus.

Read this chapter for yourself and be encouraged. The Romans 16 woman is the woman ever abounding in the work of God's kingdom. Paul promises them that they will be ultimately victorious in Christ. The Romans 16 woman is a great role model for women working in ministry everywhere - both in their homes and in the world. Amen!

Finally... I always appreciate your support! Consider purchasing "10 Things to Consider About a Man" to learn more about what a good man really looks like! ---> Purchase here <---

One more thing... please share this blog with your friends if it has been a blessing to you and use the box to the right of this page to subscribe.  I want to stay in touch with you!  Thank you and God bless!

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Wanted: Men Who Walk Their Talk

From my point of view, I see a lot of women (and men) satisfied when a man says he is "spiritual" when asked about his faith. To me, that's just code for "Stop asking me questions!!"  Unfortunately, a lot of women become mislead spiritually, relationally and otherwise.  I think there are 10 evidences that a man is walking his talk:

1 - "Spirituality" isn't good enough for him. He studies and knows doctrines, scriptures and some church history.

2 - He is consistent in his walk not always needing to "get back into it" every few weeks or months.

3 - He attends fellowships, churches and/or bible studies regularly. There is no magic number, place or format, but there should be somewhere he isn't a complete stranger!

4. He gives. Money, not just platitudes. Time, not just intentions. His talents, not just his opinions.

5. He reads the Bible. How do you know? Scripture enters his conversations at least time to time.

6. He prays. How can you tell? He doesn't complain about everything that bothers him because he's already laid some of them at the altar.

7. He praises. He doesn't take credit for everything good in his life. He's thankful and grateful knowing he is a recipient of amazing grace.

8. He sows into others' lives. There is someone whose life is better because he's in it regardless of what he can get from them. In fact, better if he can't receive anything from them at all.

9. He repents. He might not say he's sorry. That's not real repentance anyway. Real repentance is evidenced by changed behaviors. Not all. Not overnight. But SOMETHING for goodness sake!

10. He is willing to take responsibility for your spiritual maturity. Does he help lead you into the things of God or away from them?

Consider these. Also, consider purchasing "10 Things to Consider About a Man" to learn more about what a good man really looks like! ---> Purchase here <---

One more thing... please share this blog with your friends if it has been a blessing to you and use the box to the right of this page to subscribe.  I want to stay in touch with you!  Thank you and God bless!

To your success!

Mark Anthony McCray helps people live on PURPOSE, achieve higher PERFORMANCE and experience true PROSPERITY. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you don't miss a thing and forward this to a friend if you found it helpful. All material © Copyright, Mark Anthony McCray unless otherwise noted!

He can be reached in the following ways:
Mark@LiveBIGDieEmpty.com
Phone: 281-846-5720
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For more information on Mark as a speaker or presenter check out http://livebigdieempty.blogspot.com/p/about-mark_29.html

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Seeking a Friend for the End of the World

If you are a single and had a chance to spend your last few days with any one person, whom would you choose?  Do they know it or is it your special little secret?

In "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World", Steve Carell (I would say his character's name but isn't he ALWAYS Steve Carell?) finds himself alone after his wife leaves in a panic. He decides to take a road trip to reunite with his high school sweetheart. Accompanying him is a young British woman whom I can't recall her name but whom I know was in a couple of those Pirates of the Caribbean movies.  She throws a wrench in his plans, of course, because all good movies need to have a wrench thrown into somebody's plans.

What they discover is the unspeakable value of having someone to share your battles with.  When you have someone like that, you have to hang onto them.  If (you're single and) have someone like that in your space, are you acting on it?  If you're married and don't open up and share what's really on your heart and mind, isn't that the same as being alone?  Are you waiting for time to run out before you do or say anything?

Stop waiting for a crisis to come around before you express yourself.  Good reminder from a pretty good movie.

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50 First Dates

I'll admit it.  I'm a sucker for this movie.  No question it gets to me every time. In it, Adam Sandler's character, Henry Roth, is a man afraid of commitment up until he meets the beautiful, forgetful Lucy (Drew Barrymore). They hit it off and Henry think he's finally found the girl of his dreams, until he discovers she has short-term memory loss and forgets him the very next day. It turns out, she forgets him everyday.

Think about how great it would be if our real lives could work more like this? Every day isn't a great day. Some are great. Some are horrible. But every morning she has no recollection of his sins, errors and omissions. Every morning he must work to win her affections. (The hidden message is interesting... the movie probably wouldn't work as well with the roles reversed.)

Many talk about relationship skills. I still say the #1 skill we all need is to learn how to forgive quickly, completely and often. It's the only thing we're all going to have to do every single day if we hope to have a happy and healthy relationship (and life).

That's the beautiful message of 50 First Dates. The best relationships carry very little of yesterday into today.

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Dealing with Temptation

Q: Dear Mark, I am finding the temptation to have an affair overwhelming. My husband had one years ago that destroyed me and I'm still trying to recover from that. Plus, to be honest, there's the attraction. He takes my breath away. What is your perspective? I'm just trying to understand what's going on. I need to hear from a man.
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A: Thank you for writing Be Worth Finding! Here are a few things for you to think about...

1. I can understand the longing for passion and excitement and need to feel loved. I can. However, I don't see the cost as being worth it to you. Whether it's fair or right or not, once discovered, the chances of your husband accepting it are slim. Divorce is very likely. Violence is possible. Depression is probable and it could take you years to pull your life back to just an even level emotionally. Studies show it takes women 3-4 years to recover. Men, too. For you, consider at this point that you've been married more than half your life. I think it could be devastating and much more than you think.

The financial costs are tremendous, as well. I just wouldn't advise it. There are tons of articles on it. I won't retread that topic. Just know that you will probably have about half of the resources available to you that you think you'll have...and you'll be raising your children essentially alone.

2. You have unmet needs. NEEDS. Not wants. I've blogged on the topic of His Needs/Her Needs before.

If there is any possible way, please sit down with your husband and talk about NEEDS. You need affection, communication, etc. Let him know that. Bring that book maybe. Also examine honestly whether you're meeting his needs. Remember... they are needs and they are legitimate. If you're looking around, that normally means they aren't being met. He probably had some that went unmet, too.

Here's a couple of tips from the trenches... (A) ask him for a time to talk. Literally set an appointment if you must. That way he won't feel backed into a corner. Honor it. Defer your thoughts until the time. It should only be a day or two. (B) Sit down to talk. Touch each other. Hold hands or something. This makes it easier for both to listen and lessens the likelihood of tensions escalating. Hopefully this can start some dialogue that is sorely missing.

3. Your recollection concerning my other post is right. I have little respect for men who choose to go this route of pursuing married women. I have contempt for them. He's done this before. He obviously senses your desire and wants to take advantage of it. What's worse is he's hindering the happiness you could be experiencing right now! He can't give you anything but a few (dangerous) moments or he'd at least leave his wife and make an attempt at being a steady presence in your life.

Similarly on your end. If you're going to leave, most states can finalize a divorce in 60 days or so. You can wait that long. I hope. But I really hope you and your husband make one more attempt. If you need to have a counselor present, it would help a lot, I'm sure.

What do you think? If any of this sounds insensitive, I don't mean to be that way at all. I just have seen too many lives get worse instead of better as a result of affairs. I would not want you to worsen your situation or happiness.

"Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." ~James 4:7

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"Diary of a Cheating Woman"

Watching "Diary of a Cheating Woman", a so-called documentary about the rise of women committing adultery. I have not been so embarrassed for us in a long time.  Kind of sad really.  I guess the premise is to laugh and joke about how it's okay to cheat if the guy isn't a good enough man for you - whether he was unfaithful or not.  Set aside the fact that paying back evil for evil is against everything the Word of God stands for.  Celebrating those who sin is the worst kind of sin.  I am forever ashamed for every person involved in this project.

"Don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it." ~1 Peter 3:9

"Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable." ~Romans 12:17

"See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people." ~1 Thessalonians 5:15

To be fair, it wasn't only about the women.  There were a number of men interviewed who said they were prompted to commit adultery because of their own trust issues and/or because they learned their wives or girlfriends were already cheating.

Why am I writing about this?  Research.  These kinds of things help me understand where people are and how they think.  Also, I know for a fact that a number of my readers are dealing with these kinds of issues daily and haven't understood what the Bible has to say about these matters of the heart.  If you are okay with any of this, you need to check your heart and repent.  You are broken.

I need to wash my eyes out now.  Or maybe my ears.

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What Do Men Look for in A Woman?

I am asked quite often "Mark, what do men look for in a woman?" and it happens often enough where I should respond. I'm always trying to be honest, so I have to give two sets of answers I think: a more general response and a more candid one that answers the question more personally (with all that other stuff about my bias out of the way). Here are what I call my Top 11!

#1 - I am generally attracted to a woman who has some smarts. She doesn't have to be a genius or a doctor and her smarts don't have to be in the form of formal education. Being able to carry a conversation in a number of areas is vital!

#2 - I am generally attracted to women who have good relationships with their fathers and brothers. I don't do well with bitter people. If you still have problems with the previous men in your life, you are not for me.

#3 - A Christian. She doesn't have to be bible-thumping or preaching. But she and I should both agree that the orthodox Bible is the standard for life. We won't always meet it's requirements, but we should at least know where the line is. The Apostles Creed is a good start.

#4 - Raw physical attraction. I like a woman who looks and acts like she likes sex...just reserves it for the special man. A virgin is not required, but some virtue is required. A woman who acts like an asexual doesn't work as somebody I see myself with.

#5 - Children. I have no problem with a woman who has a kid...even two. I don't see it a major issue. Some guys do. To each his own.

#6 - (I posted this entire list before and this one had to do with a woman's physical appearance. I'm choosing to delete it here. To each his own!)

#7 - I like a woman who can be supportive, but still can come with strong suggestions when it is needed. I don't want to be allowed to swim in my own bullshit forever. For a while, maybe, but not forever. I like a woman who can push me to be a better man without needing to break me down to do it. ENCOURAGEMENT is the key.

#8 - I like a woman to have good friends. Preferable with women who aren't bitter themselves. I can't necessarily control a woman's friends. I know that. A woman has to examine her friends on her own. The Bible says that bad company corrupts good morals and that we should not be deceived in this. Bottom line: who you surround yourselves with matters.

#9 - It is important to me that a woman has access to good mentors. The Bible says that the older women should teach the younger women how to be good wives. THIS MEANS THAT GOD KNOWS IT IS NOT A NATURAL SKILL-SET. Bottom line here is that we all will do what we have seen unless we are purposeful about learning a new way.

#10 - There is a final factor having to do with leadership and roles in the household, church and etc. I am more of a traditionalist when it comes to those things.

#11 - There is a final one that is HUGE. It's companionship. There is a book called His Needs - Her Needs that gets into it. A man, me included, wants a woman that enjoys just being with him. Like every now and again actually going to a game or going fishing or doing some yardwork. Whatever. It doesn't really matter. Men need to talk to their women. Women need to do activities with their men.

Those are my thoughts. Am I missing anything?

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Looking for Reasons to Marry? Here are Six!

Marriage is under attack. Even people who want to get married, sometimes struggle with their motivations. The most committed and devout Christians have a hard time arguing for marriage anymore. It's difficult. Sometimes it feels like too much hastle to even think about it, let alone find someone with whom you can start seriously talking about it. And there are more and more people telling you it isn't necessary, it's a relic of past times, there's just no reason for it...Biblical or otherwise!

Turns out that there are (at least) six great reasons to married!  Check these out!

1. Procreation (Genesis 1:28)
2. Pleasure (Proverbs 5:18-19)
3. Partnership (Genesis 2:18)
4. Picture of the Church (Ephesians 5:25)
5. Provision for the Woman (Ephesians 5:29)
6. Purity (Hebrews 13:4)

Some people think marriage is just for procreation and, therefore, not for those who don't want children. Some think it's only about financial gain or economic stability. But the truth of the matter is marriage is a gift given by God for all of those reasons and more...even pleasure! Praise the Lord!

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This just has to be said!?

Here's something I find funny. How many times a week do I hear someone indignantly telling someone something that "just has to be said!"? How many times do you try to "set someone straight" and it's always "for their own good", right?

"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear." ~ Ephesians 4:29

Truthfully, very little of what "has to be said" actually has to be said. You said it for self-therapy. You feel better. You gratified your own carnal desire. You didn't measure whether your words were wholesome, needed, timely, edifying or gracious. You just went off.

I like how our old friend King James says it: "A fool uttereth all his mind, but a wise man keepeth it in until afterwards." ~Prov 29:11

Do you have friends who uttereth all their minds? Keep better company. Do you uttereth all your mind? BECOME better company. Ask yourself this: Do they really, truly need to hear it? Or do you just really, truly want to say it?   Take more care.  We're going to be held accountable for every careless word we've spoken!

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