"Big Butts and Smiles" (or "The Economics of Healthy Relationships")

...it takes more than a "big butt and a smile" to attract a quality man.  Besides...we don't trust them.  Bell Biv DeVoe taught us not to! (Side Note: I said QUALITY man.)

You see, I've had an epiphany.  

I think I'm out of the business of giving single women advice before I was even in it.  There are plenty of people out there who're willing to tell you how to get a man.  I'll let them handle it.  My advice begins and ends with a few simple thoughts:

1. Be more approachable. 
2. Smile
3. Be kind
4. Stop being so judgmental. 

That's about it from me.  Not quite enough to build a seminar around.  Certainly not enough for a book.  Anything else I would tell you would become really personal really quickly.  I'm keeping my list of things that are attractive to me to myself!  (You gotta let a player have his games, right?)

Here's my revelation on the economics of a good relationship:

If you want to be found, maybe focus first on being worth finding?  Perhaps you don't bring as much value to a potential mate as you think?

Being trained as an economist, I recognize that a lot of things come down to Cost-Benefit Analysis...even love, true love.  If you want someone to invest their life into you, what will they gain in the equation?  What are you able to bring?  Are you worth finding?  For what reason would he be sacrificing his life?  Your "honey" ain't THAT special, so you need to be able to bring something more than that to the table!

(Side note: please resist your temptation to fire off "HATE MALE" to me now.  It's not going to help your situation one bit.  I'll deal with the matter of men being ready to look another time.  The Bible tells us to "do all your work in the field and, after that, establish your house...)

Even as a man, I am learning to look at things in terms of what I can GIVE and BRING to a scenario as opposed to what I can get.  I have to look at business in terms of what I can add to an opportunity.  That's where my fruit lies.  I have to look at ministry in terms of what unique things I can do.  There is some gift that each of us has that we can give!  Why did God put me on Earth?

What if those of us who are single are only single because potential mates don't see us a valuable enough to commit to? For the single women, maybe you aren't worth finding yet?  Maybe the men around you don't think you add very much to their lives?  Maybe start by learning how to add to the people around you and you'll be seen as more valuable?

Here's a great article on learning how to meet a husband's needs.  Why not start studying now? http://beworthfinding.blogspot.com/2011/03/meeting-your-husbands-seven-basic-needs.html

There are a lot of big butts and smiles out there.  Quality men are looking for more than that.