Did God Get it Wrong? Or Is He Just Old-Fashioned?

Here's something I struggle with. I hope I can explain it well.

1. Is our world/society better off or worst off than it was 20, 30 or 40 years ago in terms of morals, strength of the society, economy and even the church? Most people would say many things have gone downhill. So why would we continue to rely upon modern "wisdom" that seems to be taking downward instead of older ways of looking at life, faith and the world that served us better?

2. I see the "I don't need anybody but Jesus" as being a uniquely modern phenomenon and, therefore, probably symptomatic of our societal degradation if not causal. In other words, if a person's best friend had said "Man, you need to get a wife." or "Girl, you need to marry a good man." in Earth Year 83, he would have agreed. If they had the conversation in Year 383, they would have agreed. If they had the conversation in Year 1883, they would have agreed. It's not until around 1983 or so that people stopped feeling like they needed a partner.

3. It's sad to me, truly sad, that nowadays people seem more committed than ever to trying to live out this short existence alone and I don't get it. Most of you can look at your own life and see it isn't working. I read your posts almost everyday. You're lonely, bored, sexually-frustrated, living below your potential financially and struggling to find or excel in a purpose beyond yourself. Yet you reject some of the very structures the Lord Himself designed to help people find joy and favor in life.

And it seems to be Christians are going right along with all of this. I think it's crazy. It literally boggles my mind. Marriage was God's idea. Now we seem to be hell-bent on telling Him He wasn't that bright.


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Sex & The Saved Couple

Have you ever noticed how you can see sex on TV morning, Noon and night these days, but it's ALMOST NEVER BETWEEN MARRIED PEOPLE???

The saints need to stop being so scary to talk about stuff! This is hilarious to me because (1) I've never advocated sex outside of the marriage context on this page and (2) half of y'all are doing this stuff and more already anyway!

Why have we let something God designed become totally taken over by the devil? Husbands need to be more caring and affectionate and wives need to be more adventurous... at least that's what I hear ALL THE TIME so there must be some truth to it.

I'm just trying to free some people from guilt and from having other peoples' morals projected onto them. The BIBLE is silent in so many ways. We have to let the Holy Spirit in us speak sometimes. There is a lot of latitude for people to make their own decisions about what's permissible between them as a husband and a wife. They should both be happy about those choices.

The most important thing is to talk before marriage so that there is no mismatch in expectations.

When you start to feel like they could have real, honest long-term "the one" potential you've got to risk these kinds of conversations. It could go horribly. I understand. However, you've got to know where each other stands and sooner is better than later. These conversations are MUCH HARDER after marriage because now you both feel trapped. Gotta do it when you start to feel like he or she could be the Mr. or Mrs.

One Warning: Drawing a lot of lines and restrictions is one of the WORST things a married woman can do, in my view, and YES, I mean that will everything in me! Most husbands aren't going to see a "no" as anything except a rejection/a boundary and THE LAST THING a husband wants are boundaries. They are interpreted as disrespect. They are seen as a lack of availability to him. A husband wants to feel like HE OWNS that wife. Bottom line. Therefore, I think wives should be very, very careful and quite judicious with drawing boundary lines and if it's going to be an issue YOU OWE HIM to make those lines clear BEFORE HE EVEN PROPOSES TO YOU!

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Eternal Singleness? - Part One in Our "Resurrecting Marriage" Series

(This is the first in a series of works - a mission - to promote courtship, marriage and re-marriage within the Body of Christ. We have to fight this "Epidemic of Singleness" before the casualties continue to mount!

Therefore, please don't be offended with some of the next topics. I am going to take more chances by getting into sex, adultery, blending families, roles, finances, and more. Why? Because too many people are avoiding getting married for the wrong reasons and too many people are leaving marriages for even worse reasons!!)

Now from Guest Blogger, DAWN BEDINGFIELD, a woman of great wisdom...

Soon after I divorced, I met a great guy. We are still friends today. I had two young children, and their father was a great man, we were just not great together through no real fault of either one of us.

This man I was dating saw very soon into the relationship (we were never intimate) that I was great marriage material, but was probably not headed in the direction he was going: marriage. He approached me with his concern letting me know that he only dates in pursuit of marriage. I was just as forthright. I had just gotten out of a (what I considered long...only seven yrs) exhausting marriage and was not ready to go there again. Looking back I don't know whether this great guy would have been a great husband for me; but, I know for certain that over the span of 10 yrs, rejecting four marriage proposals, and delaying at least two more to the point of men giving up on me altogether, has been the biggest decision making mistake I have made. And it has affected every area of my life in a way I never would have desired.

Why you may ask? Because it is so much easier to get back into the flow of compromise and submission sooner after divorce than later, younger than older. When you still feel you need a mate, rather than when you have overcome so many things, good, bad, beautiful and ugly, that you know you can handle it without one.

Why you may ask? Because as the scripture you refer to in Timothy states, my dating choices and experiences went from good to bad to abominable in a span of months! My friendship and social choices became shameful. My financial world came tumbling to the ground around me in less than two years. My spiritual life defined in one phrase, "Believer behaving badly."

Why you may ask? Because an intelligent, bright, attractive woman in her late twenties who had been married all of her adult life needs to remain covered, especially when she has young children. She needs positive and clear direction of her energies and ambitions otherwise they not only get misguided, but taken advantage of. Before I looked up and gotten my head together, 10 yrs had passed, I had TWO children outside of wedlock with TWO DIFFERENT men, I'd lost a home, been homeless twice, gone through another dozen relationships, one suicide attempt, fought to keep my family together even though I eventually ended up sending the two oldest to live with my former husband...need I go on???

And as time passed, I [insanely, based on society's mantra, "I can do bad all by myself"] saw less and less need for a mate; and NO ONE encouraged me to surrender to marriage except my best friend at the time (who had betrayed me so many times and seemed so desperate for a husband I didn't trust), and ONE man I'd dated, who called me outright selfish. He was a doctor and much older, and I surely didnt see myself worthy enough for this prominent man to give my children and I the life he had. It was too late for that. I was too broken by that time and not yet re-fashioned by God, in spite of, by this time, all that I had come through, learned and achieved; but, I was getting there and this friend was the catalyst to get the ball rolling.

Today I am certainly great marriage material and have an endless list of things to bring to a relationship including knowledge and wisdom and experience and creativity. But unfortunately at this point in my life, after raising one son and daughter into adulthood, a host of personal and professional experiences that make me both wise and accomplished beyond my years (and those of most potential mates), and a busy lifestyle that leaves little to no time for social activities where I can meet potential mates, I fear that the past choices Ive made have brought me to the one sacrifice that I'd never intended: eternal singleness.

(In the next part, we'll share some of the negative impacts of singleness and divorce in our society. You DEFINITELY need to read this if you're even considering divorce!)

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You Can't Handle the Truth!!!

A friend of mine asked whether men and women can accept the truth from a partner without becoming upset, offended or lashing out. For me, it's more about Proverbs 15:1 and Proverbs 25:11.



Sometimes it's all about finesse: the skillful handling of a situation (Webster's Dictionary). There is an art to communication and when it's done well, it's a beautiful thing.

There's always a way to say anything. Sometimes people aren't rejecting the truth as much as your presentation of it. That may be fine if you're Isaiah the Prophet. However, if this is someone you plan on coming home to, you're going to have to learn how to communicate "truth" with much more care and finesse.

Also, always remember this: just because you want to say it, doesn't mean they need to hear it. Never lie or cover up, but be careful of your motives. Make sure your words are grace-filled and building up your brother and your sister...even (and especially) when you've been asked for the truth!

Please leave me your comments so I know how to serve you better!! If this was helpful, forward it to a friend. Talk to you soon! Please subscribe and visit me on my Live BIG! Die Empty. Facebook page!!

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