June 2012 ~ The Christian Relationship Blog

"What to Do While You're Waiting?"

11:59 AM

We're doing it again! We had so many people join us last time and give us AWESOME feedback that we just knew that you wanted this one more time!

LaTracey Copeland & Mark Anthony McCray have partnered up to host this FREE Conference Call to encourage you, help you and teach you what to do while you're waiting!

Our Special Guest for this call will be Terry Scott of Yielding Hearts!

After so many questions from our blog readers and friends in our Facebook communities, we felt like the time was NOW to discuss this topic with our friends and talk about all the things women AND men should do to prepare for success in their relationships - how to use your season of singleness the right ways.

This will be an interactive call, so come with your questions. No topic is off limits. BRING IT! We promise to be candid, honest and real with you...all while sharing the WORD and METHODS instead of just rehashed hype.

Dial In: 1-218-936-4141
Access Code: 942-9411

8PM to 9PM CST!!!
(9PM t0 10PM EST)

This is one you'll want to join for SURE!! Be sure to RSVP so we know to expect you. I've already had to add more "seats" to the event. Talk to you then!

RSVP HERE ---> THE FACEBOOK EVENT PAGE

The REAL Reason Men Cheat?

7:08 AM

Men almost never cheat because sex. Maybe about 8% of the time. Normally it happens because of some profound unmet needs. Statistically, it doesn't happen as much as you think either. (Somewhere between 20% and 37% of men according to most studies I've read. Far from the 99% that the media wants you to believe!) More often men are going to stay faithful in their marriages and be miserable for as long as they can take it. When it does happen, it's not usually a "sex" thing. He's starving for something else.

A starving man is either going to steal or die...and given his instincts to live, he's probably going to try stealing first.

The men who read my blog and belong to my Facebook page have begged me to address this issue, but I've avoided it for a long time because so many of my women readers think it's excuse-making. However, one thing I've learned about relationships is that problems within them are rarely one-sided. Rarely. Not saying it doesn't happen and neither am I blaming the "victims" but a lot of adultery in marriage fits into this category. Very few cases of infidelity involve a woman and man who were actively meeting one another's needs and one person just decided to stray out of the blue!

If you starve a person of a major need, after a while they are going to seek it out or die. A man's need for respect and admiration will often contribute to him looking for it wherever he can find it - even if in the company of another woman. This is why we (the public) are often shocked at how "plain" some of the mistresses of prominent men look. We wonder to ourselves "Her? Really? He was willing to risk so much for her!?" Where, in reality, often that woman has learned how to stroke that man's ego in some ways he was sorely needing.

Does this excuse predatory and irresponsible behaviors? Not at all. Remember, however, that we're talking about needs. And needs, by definition, must be met and there are countless men who are facing a few demoralizing choices even today as you read this: commit adultery, end the marriage or die.

Needs must be met. A skillful woman learns how to address to address this need at home.

Blessings!

Love is a Beautiful Thing.

4:46 PM

Love is a beautiful thing. A human can't experience anything greater than being totally naked in front of another person and feeling total acceptance, no shame. I'm praying for this for all of you reading this today!

But you have to choose it. You have to take the chance and let your guard down. You have to forgive and let go of the past. But it's worth it. It truly is.

Blessings!

The Freedom of Forgiveness

4:00 PM

From time to time I'm reminded that this blog is also ministry. I have to keep spreading the Gospel. And there is no gospel that doesn't include forgiveness. And any time we accept forgiveness (which all Believers have) we are obligated to extend grace to others in abundance.

How often? How many times do we forgive those who sin against us? Probably more than you have as you read this. If you're like many people, you have a ways to go. Even if you're into a couple dozen times, you have a ways to go before you come close to the standard set by Christ.

Forgiveness and reconciliation aren't the same thing. One can give and forgive without recommitting to the relationship. Sometimes it is necessary to keep one's distance. But continuing to hold grudges impacts your own business, family life, spiritual life and relationships. You can't continue in health while keeping poison in your system.

And if you tell me it's a process, I'll debate you because I'm not convinced. To the extent it's a process, I think it's mostly a matter of deciding when you're going to stop letting the poison slowly kill you. That's about as much of a process as I'm willing to allow. I think most of the time we call it that to justify why we haven't done it.

I talk about forgiveness a lot, but I understand hurts, pains, dejection and betrayal MUCH MORE than any of you think. MUCH MORE. But I also understand the freedom of forgiveness. It breaks those ties that were chaining you to your past. That's the only way to live. When you live looking back, you doom your own future. Keep hoping and living in expectancy!

Blessings!

Are You Relationship Ready?

3:12 PM

I found this tool kind of neat! Click on this link and do the quiz to see how "Relationship Ready" you are. Is it perfect? No. Of course not, but it will give you some things to think about.

RELATIONSHIP TEST

What did you score? If you're honest with yourself as you take it, I am confident you'll find some things to pray about and work on! I actually scored pretty high. Higher than I expected. LOL

Blessings!

"What to Do While You're Waiting?"

4:42 PM

LaTracey Copeland & Mark Anthony McCray have partnered up to host this FREE Conference Call to encourage you, help you and teach you what to do while you're waiting!

After so many questions from our blog readers and friends in our Facebook communities, we felt like the time was NOW to discuss this topic with our friends and talk about all the things women AND men should do to prepare for success in their relationships - how to use your season of singleness the right ways.

This will be an interactive call, so come with your questions. No topic is off limits. BRING IT! We promise to be candid, honest and real with you...all while sharing the WORD and METHODS instead of just rehashed hype.

This is one you'll want to join for SURE!! Be sure to RSVP so we know to expect you. I've already had to add more "seats" to the event. Talk to you then!

RSVP on Facebook HERE ---> https://www.facebook.com/events/366990156688406/

"5 Things to Communicate to the Man in Your Life Everyday"

8:28 PM

"The wise woman builds her house,
But the foolish tears it down with her own hands." ~Proverbs 14:1

I touched on "5 Things to Communicate to the Woman in Your Life" in my previous blog. Please check it out and leave some comments if some hit home with you! Today we look at the other side of the equation. In fact, here's a treat. After the previous blog, a friend sent me a list of things we should never say to a loved one. I thought it was pretty good, too. The bottom line is this: our tongues have the ability to build up or destroy. Here are some ways a wise women uses her tongue. She is eager to let him know in words and deeds...

1. "I respect you." If given the choice between having your respect and your love, studies have shown that most men will choose your respect. For women, loving is natural. This is the one that requires effort. That's why the Bible speaks to it so often for women.

2. "I trust you completely." This is kind of an extension of the other, but somewhat different because these words will inspire men to lead with confidence. Feeling like your direction will be followed is very empowering and humbling. It makes you want to be a better man.

3. "I believe in you." If you're called to be with a man, you have to learn how to undergird his vision and partner with him in it. You can't do this if you don't believe in him. He needs to know you're in his corner. You're often his reason for laboring.

4. "I celebrate you." Praise the behavior you want to see manifested. Men have very sensitive egos. More so than women, for sure. Wise women build up their households by not being afraid to build up their men. I've actually heard (FOOLISH) women say they don't praise their man because they don't want him to think too much of himself. How stupid can you get?

5. "I am totally yours." This will make any man do almost anything for you. Seriously. Very few things stir a man's blood like knowing that the woman in his life is completely sold out to him and him alone. That's real power!

What a lot of my sisters don't realize (ducking behind a couch for protection as I write this) is God gives you full license to pour every bit of the admiration, respect and deference you have for Jesus into your husband. In fact, He tells you to do so.

Blessings!

"5 Things to Communicate to the Woman in Your Life Everyday"

8:48 PM

"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." ~Ephesians 4:29-32

So much to say about the power of our words that I can't even begin to do it service. We already know that the power of life and death are in our tongues. Don't we realize that applies to our intimate relationships, too? Of course it does. Maybe more so because we can directly impact another person's attitudes, moods and responses to us with everything that comes out of our mouth. We can create life or kill.

I've been too negative in the past. I repent. I can't remain that way if I expect to have a woman in my life who's thriving and growing because of MY influence in her life. I must learn how to always EDIFY and always minister with everything I speak. I think I'm pretty good, but I've let some words slip that made other people feel like I doubted them. That's no good. I was only speaking out of my own insecurities and stresses at the moment. I've got to tame my tongue better!

I learned a few things from a friend recently about this. With some help, I came up with five things that we men need to communicate (say or demonstrate) to the women in our lives often (maybe daily). These are all tied to some of the most common insecurities women have. We've got to help promote health in those we love. I'll talk about the five things women should communicate to the man in their lives soon.

1. I love you. Women need to know that they are valued and cherished. She needs to know she's special to you. This is one we want to say all the time if we can. It's better for her to hear it too much than too little. You can love her with your actions, but this is one she needs to hear, too.

2. You are beautiful to me. This continues to build her esteem from all the damaging words from her past.

3. I will show you a better me. She needs to know that you're dedicated to working on yourself as a man. She needs to know that you're receptive to her feedback and willing to take an honest look in the mirror from time to time.

4. I will never leave you or forsake you. She will hear this as your pledge of fidelity to her and her alone. She needs to know you value your covenant with her.

5. I will protect you. The need to feel secure is one of a woman's more basic needs. We can't forget that. A need is not a want. She needs to know you're there for her.

These are pretty basic reminders for you. I'm not saying you have to verbalize all of this all the time, but don't skimp. Also, your actions speak loudly. Demonstrate where you don't have the words.

PS - Be sure to subscribe to this blog for regular updates to help you have the happy and healthy relationships you desire! And... be sure to get your copy of "10 Things to Consider About a Man..." exclusively from Mark Anthony McCray today!

Dealing with Offense: Part One

2:10 PM

You have to learn to deal with offense if you're going to walk in your destiny and enjoy happy and stable relationships. I've learned that. It's funny how it's so often the exact folks who NEED to press through their own sense of offense to get ahead who, instead, let offenses, hurt and pride take them off track.

These people allow themselves to become subject to their own emotions and sensitivities even to the point of divorcing, quitting jobs or even moving to a new city... all because they were offended. If you really want God's best for your life, you have to put your emotions in the back seat sometimes and not let them drive.

This is most tragic when we allow offense to end relationships that used to be so dear to us. You have to learn to get your emotions under control and make decisions with your mind instead of thin skin.

Blessings!

Men, Is the Grass Always Greener?

12:03 PM

Sometimes the only reason we leave a good and otherwise healthy relationship is because we've bought the hype that something else or SOMEBODY else is going to be better for us. Men fall into that trap all the time. Women, too, but (we) men are so susceptible to visual stimuli that we make that mistake more often, I think. We become so enamored with the way another woman looks at us, flirts with us or strokes our ego that we forget the realities. Everybody has their issues!!

At the same time, we stop appreciating what's good about the woman in our life and focus only on what's bad about her. (Okay, women are bad about this, too! Very bad! I think the main difference is women often have friends reminding them of the bad stuff!) Anyway, we stop appreciate the good and start looking at that lush, green grass across the way and imagining what it would be like to run and play in it!

That reminds me. I love yard work. I really do. I might be one of the few, but there's something about seeing a well-manicured, bright green carpet of grass that really makes me feel good! As I was taking my walk and praying this morning, I was thinking about green grass and how do you make a good lawn.

You might think you do it by pulling weeds. You don't. You build a great lawn by nurturing the grass that you want. As the grass that you want gets stronger and stronger, it chokes out everything else. Spending your time pulling weeds is counterproductive. You can't keep up with them anyway. Spending your time feeding, watering and manicuring the "good stuff" is what brings the best results.

Likewise, there are those who will tell you that you can build healthy relationships by weeding. That's not quite how it works. Feed what you want to grow and the "good stuff" won't leave room for anything else. If you aren't getting what I'm saying, I'm suggesting that you spend more time nurturing what you appreciate about the woman you love and bring more life to that stuff. Focus less on the bad and the good will grow. Then you can enjoy the field you're in a little more.

Blessings!

Encouragement for Someone. Just relax.

11:47 AM

Here's a word of encouragement for someone who's feeling a spirit of lack with maybe a touch of loneliness today: Relax. It's going to be okay.

There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to have a special person in your life. We are made for pairs. Our entire physiology screams it. But if you don't have such a person right now and it hurts, that's okay. Feel it. But don't just feel it. REMEMBER IT. Take note of what you're experiencing right now. Write it down if you must. Perhaps the reason you've been allowed to be alone right now is so you'll appreciate your future partner THAT MUCH MORE!!??

So don't regret. For now, just relax. Anxiety does nobody any good. Look forward. And when you have that person, don't be so upset about the little things. Be glad they are there to share the little moments with you. The feeling of gratitude can keep you together.

Blessings!